We’d prefer to suppose that the Secret Service, of their trendy responsibility of presidential safety not less than, are impenetrable. In any case, they’ve a fairly binary job, and also you’d suppose that in the event that they fucked up, we’d learn about it — by nature of, , all of the flags at half-mast.
However that doesn’t imply that they haven’t stained the mattress a great couple of instances in smaller methods. Which I assume is what they will all the time declare on the hearings, saying, “Hey, he’s alive, isn’t he?” However particularly with a Secret Service agent just lately being robbed at gunpoint, it may begin to make folks marvel, “Wait, are these guys… fallible?”
Crashing Into Their Personal Safety Barrier
I’ve to think about guarding the president is a high-stress job, and judging by the quantity of alcohol-related Secret Service oopsies which have popped up, I’ve a hunch on how a few of them cope with it. For instance, in 2015, two males drove their automotive right into a safety barrier on the White Home, whereas there was an energetic bomb menace, which I assume leads to a direct DEFCON one billion being despatched out over these little earpieces.
Fortunately, it ended up being little greater than a suit-and-tie model of that Spider-Man meme once they realized that the passengers had been two Secret Service brokers, not-so-secretly shitfaced after coming straight from a retirement get together.
A Mysterious Bullet Left Behind
A single bullet left in a lodge room appears like one thing out of a spy novel, the place you’d assume the bullet was untraceable, or possibly silver if the president was a werewolf. However nothing that thrilling occurred in 2013. As a substitute, it was the overly attractive error of a Secret Service agent who met a girl at a lodge bar, which I feel ought to mainly be forbidden in case you work in intelligence. He then adopted her as much as her room (with permission), however she freaked out when she realized he was carrying a firearm.
He tried to calm her down by eradicating the journal and clearing the chamber. Sadly, he left the bullet he’d faraway from the chamber within the lady’s room, and when he turned to the lodge for assist discovering it, they known as… the Secret Service.
When Biden’
s Canine Saved Biting Them
I apologize to the pants legs and thighs of the affected brokers, however that is by no means not going to be just a little humorous to me. If you happen to by no means examine this recurring drawback, apparently Biden’s canines have a specific style for his guardians. They’re German Shepherds, too, so these aren’t little ankle nips. First, his canine Main repeatedly bit Secret Service brokers, necessitating his elimination from the White Home. A lonely Biden re-upped with one other German Shepherd named Commander, who promptly crammed his predecessor’s paws, biting over 24 brokers — the form of chunk rely that will get him commendations in some kind of canine navy.
Secret Service Chopping Unfastened in Colombia
The headline “Secret Service Intercourse Scandal” is a pleasant little bit of alliteration, however in all probability one the Secret Service itself didn’t take pleasure in. In 2012, on a go to to Cartagena, Colombia, a number of secret service brokers allegedly partied laborious, together with hiring intercourse employees, which, to be truthful, is authorized underneath sure circumstances in Colombia. I can’t think about, although, that it’s really useful for folks with direct entry to the president. “Hey, Barack, that is my new buddy Ms. Honeypot!” would in all probability be met with frowns.
It’s additionally authorized to lift snakes, however I wouldn’t do it in a hen coop.
All These Occasions Presidents Bought Assassinated
Hey, fellas, in case you’re going to determine to not clear each flooring of a guide depository or step out for a smoke break whereas Lincoln watches the play, possibly we want an Additional-Secret Service, or not less than to start out utilizing the buddy system.
