Jerry Seinfeld is again within the information — once more — after a podcast look through which he laments America’s lack of dominant masculinity. “I like an actual man,” he stated, wishing we may all return to the testosterone-driven days of JFK, Sean Connery and Muhammed Ali. What can he say? “I like an actual man.”
Give Seinfeld credit score for at the least somewhat self-awareness — he is aware of he doesn’t belong on a masculine Mount Rushmore along with his heroes. “I’ve all the time wished to be an actual man,” he advised podcast host Bari Weiss. “I by no means made it.”
It goes with out saying that the fictional Jerry on Seinfeld by no means made it both. On a present filled with non-masculine characters like George Costanza and Newman, Jerry might need been the least macho of all of them. Listed below are seven of his least masculine Seinfeld deeds…
He Wore a Puffy Shirt on Nationwide Tv
One factor’s for certain: Sean Connery would by no means do stand-up outfitted like an additional from The Pirates of Penzance. Elaine can’t perceive why Jerry appears to be like like he’s about to swing on a chandelier. “You’ll be able to’t come out dressed like that!” she warns. “You’re all hyped up! You appear to be the Depend of Monte Cristo!”
He Throws Out a Shoelace After It Touches the Toilet Ground
Positive, Jerry is a neat freak. However is he afraid of cooties or one thing? John Wayne wasn’t this specific concerning the blood and guts that stained his cowboy boots.
He Steals Bread from Outdated Ladies
When an aged woman dares to defy Jerry’s whims, he calls her an previous bag and bodily takes what he desires. Then as soon as he’s wrested the marble rye from her arthritic grip, he flees like a person afraid for his life. If chivalry wasn’t lifeless earlier than, this episode of Seinfeld might need been the ultimate blow.
He Cheated in a Foot Race — Twice
As a boy, Seinfeld needed to hoodwink and deceive compete in bodily contests in opposition to the opposite guys. As a grown man? He does the identical factor. Is Jerry ashamed of the duplicity that helps him win the race — and the woman? Not within the slightest.
He Refuses to Give Mouth-to-Mouth to One other Man
Right here’s a man who’s so insecure in his personal masculinity that he’d let one other man die to keep away from performing CPR. What a chump.
He Is Terrified to Steal Cable
Steal bread from an previous woman on the road? No drawback! Steal cable TV from some communications monolith? “What if I get caught?” he frets, knees trembling on the very concept.
Youngsters’s Toys Give Him Nightmares
Kramer’s ventriloquist doll, Mr. Marbles, is a favourite among the many children. However to Jerry? “I really feel prefer it’s going to come back to life in the midst of the night time and kill me.” It doesn’t matter the place Seinfeld sleeps — the night time terrors related to Mr. Marbles simply gained’t go away. Identical factor most likely occurred to Muhammed Ali.
