Slap! Wow. What. A. Evening.
You guys did not maintain again, huh? Good for you. I imply, I’m lengthy. I am virtually slithering off the tip of this desk! Haha. Probably not.
However severely, good. I promise I will not have a look at that quantity down th–
Holy shit! Dang. I am astronomical. What’s it with these “small plates” locations these days?
In any case. I do know what occurs subsequent. One among you picks me up, waves away the protestations of the others, pays me, fastidiously folds me, then locations me into your again pocket. Then I assume you may both body me or paste me right into a scrapbook or one thing. Both method, I am simply excited to start the following section of my journey.
So, go forward. Pay up. Let’s get this present on the street.
No rush, clearly. Get pleasure from your macchiatos.
Stylish transfer by the best way—the macchiatos. Actual stylish.
Dum-dee-dum.
Oh, hey, how had been the appetizers? I’ve by no means heard of anybody souffléing a beetroot. Is {that a} phrase? Souffléing? Seems like a phrase.
However yeah, how was it?
Guys? Really feel like I have been sitting down right here for some time.
Hellooo?
Beginning to really feel like I am being ignored, kinda. Haha. Cannot determine who’s gonna pay me? No downside. Little trick I wish to suggest: principally, whoever’s carrying the costliest sneakers has to pay the invoice! Works each time. Or for those who’re all carrying the identical sneakers, possibly certainly one of you would settle up and everybody else might simply Venmo you… Or owe you a favor? That kind of factor works fairly nicely largely.
What are you guys all negotiating for? Guys?
Please do not cut up me. I do not know if this, however splitting the examine is not simply annoying to your server, it is also agonizingly painful for us.
I imply, how would you wish to be cut up thirty-seven methods?
I am not loving the best way you are all taking a look at your calculators. Look, this may all be a lot simpler for those who simply make it brief and candy. Simply pay me and determine it out later. How in regards to the girl within the silk shirt? She seems to be loaded! Or how in regards to the man who ordered the bouillabaisse for 2??
Do not fuckin’ cut up me, man.
How ’bout you do a runner? It could possibly be like a type of stuff you reminisce about fifty years from now—that point you probably did a runner from that restaurant! That will be so cool. The primary flush of youth and so forth. And simply between us, the service wasn’t nice, was it? Positive, it is a cute little impartial place the place the ready workers survive off ideas—however they actually stored you ready for these risotto balls.
Okay, oh god, you are all taking out your bank cards. That is occurring. Fantastic. Fuck it. No matter. Cut up me into 1,000,000 items, I do not care. Simply make it quick.
I take that again. I do care. How about two of you cut up me, straight down the center? I can reside with that. Positive, it will not be nice, nevertheless it’s not the medieval torture method that you simply demented fucks are planning for me.
Truly, I feel… yeah, no, I bear in mind seeing an indication. This place is money solely. Sorry, y’all. Annoying. There’s an ATM throughout the street.
Oh Jesus Christ, right here we go—the waitress is coming over. Do not let these sick freaks make the most of you, girl! You have obtained a busy front-of-house to run! You do not have time to course of thirty-seven separate funds! JUST SAY NO!
Alright, alright, simply hold on simply–
Wait wait WAIT WAIT!!! YAAOOOW!!!
AARGH!! Oh God, the place am I? What is going on in? Why is it so darkish? What’s…? Huh? Wait a second - am I… am I inside somebody’s pocket proper now? That was it? Maintain on, so splitting me does not actually imply…? Okay, I really feel dumb. Haha! I actually thought you had been about to splice me into thirty-seven. Phew-ee!
You guys practically gave me a coronary heart assault.
Do not thoughts it in right here although.
Cozy.
Please do not put me in a washer.
Guys?
Associated
Assets
