NEW YORK—In response to quite a few complaints filed with the USDA, Maybelline publicly denied lab-testing their mascara merchandise on Italian widows Friday, calling the accusation a “dangerous, baseless rumor.” “Opposite to the abhorrent rumors circulating about our firm, Maybelline doesn’t check our waterproof eye make-up on stay Italian widows,” mentioned a spokesperson for the corporate, addressing a leaked viral video allegedly taken by a whistleblower contained in the cosmetics firm’s amenities, which appeared to indicate quite a lot of wailing, veiled Italian girls loudly mourning the lack of their husbands from inside a crowded pen whereas researchers documented the quantity of tears their waterproof mascara, eyeliner, and different purportedly smudge-proof merchandise may stand up to. “The libelous claims in opposition to us are outrageous, however allow us to simply say outright that completely no nonnas from the previous nation have ever been captured from a graveside and shipped right here in opposition to their will to help within the improvement of our high-quality Maybelline merchandise. Our laboratories meet the very best requirements of ethics and humane take care of any and all hysterical girls we check our merchandise on, which is how we’re capable of give out 24-hour waterproof assure. The truth is, the entire Italian girls we use in our trials are fortunately married to residing males.” At press time, a message from one of many a whole bunch of captive widows reached a neighborhood information outlet, during which the donna vecchia claimed she and her fellow mourners have been solely fed a meager bowl of panzanella a day and heartlessly disadvantaged of their rosaries, crucifixes, and pictures of grandchildren.
