After his disastrous debate efficiency, President Joe Biden continues to flounder within the polls and faces a rising contingent of Democratic donors and elected officers calling for him to step down. The Onion explores a number of potential issues Biden can do to reinvigorate his struggling marketing campaign.
Solely be photographed close to a lot older folks: He’ll look vigorous when surrounded by shrunken 103-year-olds who barely look human.
Activate the AARP: There are tens of millions of seniors standing by, awaiting phrase from Biden.
Learn monster smut at rallies: If fantasy romance books can save the publishing trade, they will save his marketing campaign.
Launch all of the nukes: You technically can’t lose an election if there’s no civilization left to carry one.
Win the 200-meter butterfly on the Paris Olympics: Nothing gives a lift within the polls fairly like coming house with Olympic gold.
Pardon Hunter: Gained’t really assist, however he must get it performed earlier than Inauguration Day.
Kind strategic alliances by intermarriage: It labored for the Habsburgs, didn’t it?
Finish his marketing campaign: This would supply him with such an enormous surge in his approval ranking that he would don’t have any selection however to instantly restart his marketing campaign.
