Huh, you floss day by day? Your plaque ranges inform me in any other case. Don’t fear, I’m comfortable to display the right methodology.
I’ll start by pulling 90% of the floss out of the case and winding it round my fingers. I do know I’ve completed it appropriately when my fingertips go numb.
Now that I’ve acquired most maintain of the floss, I’ll dig it into your gums so onerous that your enamel really feel free. Unfastened enamel are good as a result of after they rattle round, they dislodge hard-to-reach morsels of meals.
Bleeding can be good. You see, when your gums break up open, they reveal portals into your physique, which is the place your soul is positioned.
My sufferers usually surprise how deep they need to dig their floss. It’s easy. When your eyes water, like yours at the moment are, you’ve discovered the savory spot (I don’t use the time period, “candy spot,” for apparent causes). The savory spot can be the place your soul hides. And your soul belongs to me.
Please don’t converse. It makes it awfully onerous to floss you. In addition to, I’m superb at studying individuals’s eyes. Proper now, your eyes are exhibiting concern, which is the precise emotion you need to really feel if you floss. Concern triggers the butterflies in your abdomen, which carry your soul up your esophagus and out by your gums.
After this, your pearly whites will shine like beacons within the countless darkness that’s now your life.
You could be questioning how you possibly can ever obtain this superior degree of flossing at residence. The reply is you possibly can’t. That is the cycle of life, buddy. I floss out a little bit of your candy—sorry, savory—soul, you go residence emptied of hopes and desires, acquire a false sense of confidence in your gum well being, then return to have your soul sucked out of your gum holes as soon as extra.
Wouldn’t it assist if I informed you that even well-known individuals battle to floss correctly? One in every of my favourite sufferers, Ronald Reagan, screamed the primary time I flossed him. But he scheduled 5 cleanings a yr! It was nearly as if he appreciated the sensation of being soulless.
Anyway, by the top of his first time period in workplace, I needed to inform him that there was no extra soul to suck.
Out of your eyes I can inform you’re asking, “How might you be previous Ronny’s dentist? You don’t look a day over 39.” That’s as a result of I’ve been feeding off the souls of sufferers for millennia. Like most dentists, I don’t eat precise meals. If I ever get a bit nippy, I tide myself over with a watery rib of romaine, then schedule considered one of my extra annoying sufferers for a deep cleansing.
Certain, you possibly can cry in right here. I imply, normally sufferers wait to cry of their automobiles, however it is a protected area.
Look, in case you simply took a bit extra care together with your flossing, I wouldn’t must reprimand you.
Hahaha, that was a joke. You possibly can attempt to enhance, however I’ll all the time floss you with the aggression of a determined kangaroo at first of mating season. It truly is one of the simplest ways to retrieve your soul and attain immortality.
See you in six months!
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