Thursday, November 14th, 29 AD
I’ve been within the apostles’ crew for nearly a yr now, however Jesus nonetheless makes me put on a nametag each time we hang around. It’s simply typical apostle hazing, so I’m not taking it personally!
Sunday, November seventeenth, 29 AD
On our experience to Jerusalem, the blokes mistook me for a donkey once more. They began piling their shit on prime of me. I might have mentioned one thing however Philip fed me an apple. I made a decision to take one for the crew.
Tuesday, November twenty sixth, 29 AD
Peter is a powerful chief inside the local people, with many looking for his steerage. John’s been writing detailed and influential gospels of the Lord. I proceed to battle with my power heartburn affliction.
Monday, December 2nd, 29 AD
I bumped into Jesus and the whole apostle crew strolling round downtown Galilee. They have been performing miracles and didn’t invite me! After I went as much as confront them, all of them began to reintroduce themselves.
Wednesday, December 4th, 30 AD
Right this moment, Matthew advised me I impressed the newest verse he’s drafting: “Thou shalt not cross judgment upon even essentially the most unstimulating, abhorrent and albeit uninteresting imbeciles, even when thy deserve it.” How cool is that? I’m an inspiration for my associates!
Friday, December sixth, 29 AD
Jesus gave us all nicknames at present. Matthew was Maddy Daddy, Thomas was T-Bone and Philip was Scoops (needed to be there). Then he acquired to me and stared with this panicked, confused look on his face. He finally appeared down at my nametag and muttered, “Proper. Proper.” He took a number of extra seconds earlier than slowly nodding his head and saying, “ You’ve at all times appeared like a Nathanael to me?”
Saturday, January tenth, 30 AD
Reminded all the blokes that tonight is my birthday celebration. They mentioned they’ll “try to make it.” It’s going to be such a cool get together!
Saturday, January tenth, 30 AD
Nobody got here to my birthday celebration.
Tuesday, February eighth, 30 AD
James was chosen to go along with Jesus to heal lepers. Andrew stayed up all evening cowriting Jesus’ subsequent speech in Samaria. I noticed this actually cool chicken exterior my home, however after I tried to explain it, I acquired so nervous that phrases failed me and I burped uncontrollably.
Saturday, February twelfth, 30 AD
Jesus advised a crowd he’s pleased with the progress his 11 disciples have made. “12!” I corrected him. “How is that donkey talking?” he requested. “Did I do this?”
Thursday, March sixteenth, 30 AD
The apostles have been all hanging out and joking in regards to the time Jesus turned water into wine. I yelled, “Yeah, Jesus was in all probability like, ‘Hey, this isn’t what I ordered!’” The room went quiet. Then, not two seconds later, Andrew repeated my actual joke phrase for phrase, and the blokes laughed for ten minutes straight.
Tuesday, March twenty first, 30 AD
Judas and Simon had a provocative debate in regards to the phrase of God, the way forward for the church, and their curiosity concerning the affect of faith paired with a creating inhabitants. I drew a cow with wings within the sand.
Friday, March twenty fourth, 30 AD
Jesus commissioned a painter to make portraits of all his apostles. My session took the longest. The painter saved shaking his head and snapping his brushes in frustration wanting from his canvas to me. “It’s like portray a clean slate on prime of a clean slate,” he lastly muttered.
Sunday, March twenty sixth, 30 AD
Guess who was chosen unanimously for the fifth time in a row to wash everybody’s soiled sandals? The opposite apostles mentioned I’m the most effective at scrubbing out camel shit. Let’s simply say, I’m feeling appreciated at present.
Wednesday, April seventh, 30 AD
The disciples crew and Jesus deliberate this superb final supper, however the meals was method too spicy for my palette. I left the dinner to steal barley from the donkey barrels, however I acquired locked of their stables once more.
Thursday, April eighth, 30 AD
Jesus died. Vibes are tremendous bizarre within the apostles crew. We have been all mourning at John’s place and each time somebody checked out me, they began to cry more durable. Glad I may very well be there to consolation all my greatest associates.
Sunday, April eleventh, 30 AD
Jesus got here again to life! The apostles threw this ridiculous celebration get together in Golgatha. The bouncer wouldn’t let me in, he mentioned my identify wasn’t on the checklist. Fortunately, Jesus walked over and I referred to as out to him. He stared at me with this bewildered, misplaced look on his face earlier than wanting down at my nametag. “Oh yeah…” he sighed. “It’s cool. He’s my designated donkey tonight.”
Are you able to consider that? Jesus Christ’s private donkey for the night! It’s good to be Bartholomew!
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