Would United States senator and vice presidential hopeful J.D. Vance contemplate the picture on the high of this text pornographic? It is determined by in the event you’re asking the web or not.
You could have heard {that a} presidential election is developing within the fall. Naturally, which means a ton of sewage-level data—lies, slander, rumors, and satire mistaken for reality—has been flooding the web. Essentially the most notable piece of digital flotsam from the previous week is the extensively unfold, tongue-in-cheek rumor that Vance, who I have to remind you has 50-50 odds of being subsequent in line for the presidency of a world superpower, fucked his sofa . I will try to clarify the place this rumor got here from and why it is spreading throughout social media like cat hair on a wool sectional (brief reply: as a result of it is humorous). I will then dive into the opposite meme about Vance’s sexual proclivities that has been making the rounds.
Did J.D. Vance actually say he had intercourse with a sofa?
On July 15, X person @rickrudescalves (account since deleted) made on-line waves when he reacted to Donald Trump selecting Vance as his working mate with a message studying, “cannot say for certain however he may be the primary vp decide to have admitted in a ny occasions bestseller to fucking an inside-out latex glove shoved between two sofa cushions (vance, 𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘣𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘨𝘺, pp. 179-181)”
The message was shared tens of millions of occasions, and rapidly boosted, memed, and in any other case entered into the unofficial file. As a result of it has a quotation and it appears so plausible, many individuals took the couch-sex story as reality, not less than at first. But it surely’s not. It is only a joke—a shitpost, in web parlance.
Whereas nobody can definitively say that Senator Vance has by no means fucked a sofa (what goes on between a person and a consenting piece of furnishings is none of my enterprise), he undoubtedly didn’t write about fucking a sofa in his memoir, Hillbilly Elegy, and there’s no different publicly out there proof that signifies he has had intercourse with a settee, ottoman, futon, or some other upholstered furnishings.
No matter facet of the political spectrum you fall on, it is not actually a thriller why this bit caught on. It is absurd, memorable, and completely crafted—kudos to @rickrudescalves for suggesting Vance required three full pages to explain his encounter with the couch.
Is J.D. Vance a fan of dolphin porn?
Whereas there’s no proof that Vance is turned on by his sofa, there truly is proof that he is searched the web for dolphin porn! It is not the strongest proof, however nonetheless.
On Feb 17, 2024, Vance posted the following to his X account:
Credit score: JD Vance – X
I’m undecided what Vance was making an attempt to speak by sharing this screenshot, however the essential factor is that X’s search perform returns outcomes with the search phrases emboldened. As an example, I used to X to go looking “JD Vance” and “Dolphin.” Right here is one in all hundreds of outcomes that got here again to me:
Credit score: Antonio Serrata – X
Observe the bolded phrases matching my search phrases. The proof, then, tells us that Vance’s dolphin submit is proof sufficient that he searched the phrases “lady” and “dolphin” collectively on X not less than as soon as. We do not know why Vance searched these phrases, but it surely undoubtedly appears like he looked for them.
Replace: Superstar restaurant banning sprees proceed in pretend information universe
A number of weeks in the past, I seemed into the sprawling different actuality created by proper wing pretend information web sites and Fb forwards concentrating on ABC’s speak present The View. A recurring theme in that mire of incendiary wish-fulfillment are pretend tales of celebrities being banned from eating at different celeb’s eating places. For causes unknown, dopes like to learn tales about folks they hate being banned from chain eating places.
Since that submit, two different stars have reportedly been ejected from celebrity-owned eateries:
In case you’re conserving rating at house, right here’s a working tally of who has been banned from which celeb -owned restaurant:
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Gordon Ramsay’s ban listing: Robert Deniro, Lia Thomas, Megan Rapinoe, Taylor Swift, Travis Kelce, Whoopi Goldberg, The Miami Dolphins.
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Man Fieri’s ban listing: Whoopi Goldberg, Megan Rapinoe, Garth Brooks, and Tom Hanks.
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Shaquille O’Neal’s ban listing: George Clooney, Pleasure Behar, Robert Deniro,
Gordon Ramsay is main the pack with seven complete celeb ejections (together with the complete Miami Dolphins soccer workforce), in comparison with simply 4 for Fieri and solely three for O’Neal. Essentially the most banned celeb is Robert Deniro, who is just not allowed to dine at eateries owned by Fieri, Ramsay, or O’Neal—a larger honor than profitable a 3rd Oscar, in the event you ask me.
