I will not be capable to pull it collectively by the tip of the appointment. My eyes shall be purple after I return to work, and my coworkers will begin a secret group chat. They take bets on how shitty my life is that week based mostly on the redness in my eyes.
I am going to have simply spent $150 to have a breakdown after I may have executed that without spending a dime, in my house, with ice cream.
My therapist will really feel sorry for me when truly my life is nice. I am not unhappy. It is a random physiological response. She is going to attempt to get me to clarify why I cried. I’ll really feel like there may be some right reply, however I will not be capable to determine it out. I’ll really feel strain to carry out.
My therapist will notice that that is the primary time I’ve cried in entrance of a well being skilled. She’ll assume that what we talked about is a breakthrough regardless that I additionally cried throughout Lego Film 2. She’ll someway hint each tear again to my mom, together with those attributable to onion-cutting and watching getting older canine tales on YouTube.
I will be susceptible, and susceptible persons are extra prone to be murdered.
She is going to assume that she’s cracked me and write about my case in a e-book. My case research will turn out to be required studying in all psychology packages worldwide. My therapist will obtain fan mail from aspiring therapists. The session will cease being about me.
Fellow sufferers will burst into the room, shouting “certainly one of us” and carry me away. We are going to kind a cult of criers and turn out to be skilled sobbers at funerals world wide.
Once I return from the session, the salt from my tears will hospitalize my boyfriend who’s allergic to shows of emotion and likewise salt.
As soon as I begin, I will not be capable to cease crying. I am going to cry out all of the water in my physique, turning right into a dwelling raisin. Scientists will research me because the world’s first human-to-fruit transformation.
My gaping gap of despair creates a literal black gap within the workplace that sucks in my therapist and spits out random alternate-dimension therapists for the rest of my session. Every therapist payments me for his or her time so an hour-long session leads to 60 impartial payments none of which insurance coverage will cowl.
I would be taught one thing so actual about myself that I transcend this aircraft of existence. I am going to turn out to be a being of pure self-awareness and begin radiating pure knowledge. Everybody I take a look at immediately understands the which means of life, quits their job, and strikes to the mountains to ponder existence. The worldwide financial system collapses. I am compelled to put on horse blinders to include my enlightened gaze and save society.
And worse, in spite of everything that, I am going to in all probability lose my humorousness.
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