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Sunday, December 22, 2024

A Republican Politician Explains Abortion Whereas Being Attacked by Lions



What’s an abortion?

Abortion is the sanctioned genocide of harmless infants. However please whisper these questions. I fell into this lion’s den on the zoo and the lions are sleeping. I wish to maintain it that approach.

Wow, that’s fairly intense!

Please, please whisper.

Okay. Who performs abortions?

What?

WHO PERFORMS ABORTIONS?

Shhh! Depraved medical doctors and pharmaceutical firms that hand out abortion tablets like they’re lollipops after a physician’s examination. Oh God. I believe you’ve woken up the large feminine one.

The place do they carry out abortions?

The Satan’s Den, also referred to as a Deliberate Parenthood or a “Medical doctors Workplace.” Please assist me out of right here!

Are there another methods to get an abortion?

The USA Postal Service performs the sinful deed of sending abortion tablets by the mail. Throw me that whip would you? I would like a weapon.

Are you able to clarify to me how an abortion works?

The satan possesses a physician who then waves his fingers over a pregnant lady’s stomach or a girl ingests an ungodly little capsule and poof, an abortion is carried out. Oh God. The lioness didn’t just like the whip, I repeat, she didn’t just like the whip.

And by “poof,” you imply the fetus disappears or dies?

Sure. Wow that’s plenty of enamel. Massive, BIG enamel.

The place does the fetus go?

Child Heaven until the infant believes in abortion after which it goes to Child Hell. No! No! Keep away you large hungry kitty! I’m not your dinner!

You retain calling the fetus a “Child.” Do you imply to say “Fetus?”

No. A child turns into a child for the time being a type of squiggly traces infiltrates the egg wall. Please cease asking me questions and assist me out of right here!

Can anybody get an abortion?

No! Due to the Supreme Courtroom, the satan is forbidden from inhabiting medical doctors in sure states. God bless America! Is there a ball up there? Perhaps they wish to stability on it. Lions like to try this within the circus, proper?

I don’t assume that’s what they wish to do proper now.

Have you ever ever had an abortion?

No, I’m a person and I’m being stalked by three lionesses!

Have you ever ever paid for an abortion?

I decline to reply!

Are abortions okay within the case of rape or incest?

No. Within the circumstances of rape or incest the physique has methods of defending from pregnancies. For instance, when the squiggly line will get to the egg—GET OFF ME—the egg simply says “No entry” and that retains the squiggly line from getting into the egg wall. NO! NO! NOT MY SUIT. SHE RIPPED MY SUIT! I THINK SHE MIGHT BE ANGERED BY MY RED TIE! HELP ME!

What occurs if I get an abortion?

WHAT?!

WHAT HAPPENS IF I GET AN ABORTION?

OH, SORRY. HAVE YOU EVER HAD A LION ROAR IN YOUR FACE? IT’S DEAFENING!

SO WHAT HAPPENS?

YOU WILL BE ARRESTED AND COULD BE SENT TO PRISON OR ISSUED THE DEATH PENALTY AS YOU SHOULD BE! I THOUGHT IF YOU YELLED REALLY LOUD AND WAVED YOUR ARMS FURIOUSLY THEY GET SCARED AND RUN AWAY! WHY AREN’T THEY AFRAID OF ME?!?!

SO IT’S ILLEGAL TO KILL A FETUS BUT IT’S LEGAL FOR THE GOVERNMENT TO KILL A HUMAN?

IT’S GOD’S WILL! OH NO, THEY’RE SURROUNDING ME! THERE’S NOWHERE FOR ME TO RUN!

ARE ABORTIONS OKAY IF THEY SAVE THE LIFE OF THE MOTHER?

NO! ANY MOTHER WHO DIES DURING CHILDBIRTH SHOULD BE HAPPY TO MEET GOD IN THE BLESSED AFTER LIFE! SHE’S TAKEN MY HAND! SHE’S TAKEN MY HAND! MY HAND IS GONE! SHE’S CHEWING ON IT LIKE A PITBULL WITH A PORKCHOP!!

SHOULDN’T YOU BE HAPPY TO MEET GOD RIGHT NOW?

BUT I’M NOT READY TO DIE!

WHAT IF SOMEONE CROSSES STATE LINES TO GET AN ABORTION?

THENTHEYSHALLBEPROSECUTEDTOTHEFULLEXTENTOFTHELORDALMIGHTY’SJUDGEMENT!

WILL ABORTION BE BANNED NATIONALLY?

YES ON JANUARY 20TH, 2025! OH MERCIFUL GOD HELP ME PLEASE!

FOR RIGHT NOW, WHERE CAN I GET AN ABORTION?

LUCIFER’S CALIFORNIA! AH! IT’S ON TOP OF ME! NOT MY FACE! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Associated

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