- I’m the founder and CEO of two startup firms: one which designs and manufactures bootcut denims for Komodo Dragons and one other the place I name my grandparents and inform them I would like cash as a result of I have been in a horrible accident. I’ve unpaid interns for each.
- I personal two books: The Kama Sutra and a mint situation, never-been-opened instruction handbook for an AR-15 autographed by the whole solid and crew of FX’s The Defend.
- I inform everybody my favourite film is Seven Samurai when, in actuality, it is that episode of Household Issues the place Urkel will get caught in a hot-air balloon.
- There’s presently a Starburst-flavored C4 power drink wedged beneath the brake pedal of my automobile.
- I’ve an enormous framed print over my mattress of Biggie Smalls, Tony Soprano, Spider-Man, and Martin Luther King smoking a blunt collectively on the subway. Their weed smoke comes collectively to spell out the phrase “Peace” above their heads. It’s the single most profound factor I’ve seen in my life.
- I’ve not seen any of my nieces or nephews get baptized.
- If I had a time machine, I’d use it to return to the night time Scott Caan was conceived and never change a rattling factor.
- I maintain the file at my fitness center for the loudest anybody has ever fought with their girlfriend over speakerphone whereas on the tricep pushdown machine.
- I am the one one of many cousins my cop uncle will not give a PBA card to.
- I will see Duff McKagan doing his solo factor tonight.
- I have been in additional bodily altercations with the man who engraves my paintball trophies this month than I’ve fed my canine.
- My Instagram is fully photos of me standing subsequent to sports activities vehicles that are not mine and one publish memorializing Tom Cruise from after I fell for a dying hoax I noticed on a pornography web site.
- Once I go on trip with my girlfriend’s household, all of them silently pray that I am going to sleep by way of breakfast each morning.
- Go forward. Inform me and my buddies we can’t be capable of open a dispensary all you need—it is solely gonna make us need it much more.
- My first phrases as a child have been, “Okay, so throw the primary punch then, bitch.”
- I am not allowed to journey exterior the nation as a result of I could not cease doing The Shocker throughout my passport image.
- I am fully too vocal within the appetizer dialog at dinners I am not paying for.
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