On behalf of the whole Lucy Fur Firm, I wish to thank the reporters and protesters who’ve highlighted our firm’s dumping of poisonous waste into native rivers, lakes, and residents’ yard wells, as their articles, petitions, and off-key chanting have helped obtain our final aim: elevating consciousness of the risks of improper disposal of hazardous supplies.
We all know that in an age of widespread environmental destruction, solely essentially the most egregious examples will break into the information cycle, however collectively we put within the work to rise above the chatter and get our message on the market. Congratulations to us all on a job nicely finished!
We’d additionally like to specific explicit gratitude to the sacrifices made by courageous native residents who’ve developed cancers and sprouted new limbs in furtherance of our awareness-raising efforts, and we hope you all totally recognize the sacrifices we at Lucy Fur have made as nicely, comparable to paying unusually excessive premiums for our workers’ medical health insurance (till we discontinued providing worker medical health insurance to lift consciousness of out-of-control medical prices).
After all, one may say that since we knew of the sacrifices we must make prematurely and the native residents didn’t, Lucy Fur’s sacrifices have been extra significant, however we make no such assertions—certainly, we wish to remind prosecutors that we humbly deny any causal hyperlink between our service undertaking and any medical crises which have emerged or might emerge within the coming months, and that any memos on the contrary leaked on-line have been merely satirical works created because of Lucy Fur’s continued assist of the humanities.
Whereas we definitely have a lot to have a good time already, for an consciousness marketing campaign to be actually profitable, it should lead to some kind of motion. As such, we name on regulators and the identical relentless investigators who’ve diligently surfaced particulars of our personal multi-decade marketing campaign to lift consciousness (Lucy Fur is nothing if not forward-thinking and persevering) to crack down on the improper hazardous waste disposal practices of our rivals. That their dumping practices are much less flagrant than our personal solely proves their sinister dedication to working within the shadows, however we belief that now we now have drawn all the things into the sunshine, you’ll make them pay, beginning with overlaying the prices of litigating the misguided civil fits filed in opposition to us.
Bear in mind: if our rivals aren’t fined out of existence, then your folks and neighbors died for nothing.
I wish to take this chance to announce one additional act of service: after listening rigorously to the numerous appeals for us to pay for the environmental cleanup efforts, Lucy Fur has selflessly determined to set an instance by declining to take action. Too typically are low-income people and low-profit companies shamed by their incapability to contribute financially to good causes, however we at Lucy Fur stand with them. We’re shameless in order that others might shed their disgrace as nicely.
On a associated notice, I wish to make clear for the report that our current slashing of worker wages shouldn’t be, as has been erroneously reported, an effort to spice up government bonuses on the expense of our workers. That’s merely an unintended consequence. Relatively, it’s a part of that very same dedication to serving to low-net-worth people. We’re slicing wages in order that their plight shall be extra broadly skilled. Lucy Fur firmly believes one can’t perceive the much less lucky except one walks a mile to the low cost liquor retailer of their retro, toxic-water-stained footwear (or, after all, if one turns into the biggest employer of low-income people within the nation), and our nation won’t ever get anyplace if we don’t make each effort to grasp each other.
Anyway, I wish to thanks all once more for serving to elevate consciousness of Lucy Fur’s dedication to elevating consciousness, and I wish to remind you that Lucy Fur firmly believes retaliation in opposition to whistle-blowers and the reporters and regulators who facilitate them can also be a severe concern that deserves extra consciousness.
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