Day 1: As we speak I bought what’s referred to as an “e mail handle.” It’s da bomb! I may choose any private designation I wished to speak with the surface world, so I went with [email protected].
Day 96: E-mail is such a handy technique of communication. Staying in contact with family members and spreading offensive jokes is less complicated than ever. Hotmail rocks!
Day 2,121: Most individuals are transferring away from Hotmail over to Gmail. Not me. In my guide, solely cowards change their e mail when a greater and extra handy choice turns into out there.
Day 3,623: Overheard individuals at work saying Hotmail is for outdated individuals and raging losers. However then I despatched all these individuals an e mail explaining why that wasn’t true, so I am fairly certain all the things’s all cleared up.
Day 4,674: I’ve realized that my Hotmail emails seem suspicious, and sometimes go straight to individuals’s spam. Although it’s not an issue as a result of I simply observe up with six extra emails or a fast in-person go to to examine that they bought my first e mail.
Day 5,475: Been pondering of adjusting my e mail, however the deep-seated dread of writing an e mail to tell my contacts that I’m switching emails is just too a lot to bear. I can’t let down previous acquaintances from 15 years in the past whom I not hold in touch with, nor ever plan on contacting ever once more. Moreover, how may I ever discover the phrases to speak, “Hey, I’ve a brand new e mail handle, and right here it’s.” Nearly unattainable.
Day 6,310: Replied to a Nigerian Prince at this time although he was hesitant about working with somebody who has Hotmail.
Day 7,533: Issues are trying up! Individuals who used to snicker behind my again about my Hotmail are actually laughing proper in my face.
Day 9,125: Misplaced my job and no recruiter will reply to my Hotmail handle as a result of they assume it’s a joke. I reside below a bridge with a household of smug raccoons.
Day 9,933: There’s a actuality tv program about how my life was upended by Hotmail. It’s referred to as Raging Loser, on ABC.
Day 10,512: The Regime have defeated the Rebels. All communication strategies have been forbade by the unmerciful Ai Automata command. Besides Hotmail, as a result of nobody, not even the inexorable android battalion, may think about anybody with the balls to nonetheless use it.
Day 11,146: Earth as we all know it ceases to exist. There are only a few people alive. Cannibalism is commonplace. I am not getting a lot e mail, most likely as a result of “Hotmail” appears like some kinda sleazy grownup content material supplier.
Day 12,811: Aliens have landed. They’re most interested in us remaining “Hotmailers.” They view us as inexplicable conductors of an historic relic. We’re the chosen ones. So glad I stayed robust all this time!
Day 12,812: Noticed the aliens unroll their lengthy tongues and snicker behind my again. They plan to run experiments on me and my gorgeous quantity of spam. Clearly should hold my Hotmail or danger showing weak.
Day 13,532: Hosanna most excessive! Hotmail is Heaven’s most popular e mail account. I’m extremely revered right here, and never a raging loser. God bless!
Day 15,234: I’ve been fully ostracized from my brethren and sistren. There exists a subreddit referred to as “Hotmailers Can Burn In Hell.”
Day 383,848,494,499,329,291,232,125,292: I switched to Gmail at this time! I prefer it thus far. Although I cannot be altering my telephone quantity anytime quickly.
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