Dearest family and friends,
Once I awoke with piercing foot ache, I couldn’t have recognized the tip was nigh. However after an in depth journey of self-learning which some have referred to as a “downward spiral,” it’s apparent this agony is a uncommon inoperable cystic most cancers, and my days on this earth are numbered.
Enable me to elucidate.
When my modestly painful ailment started, like every rational individual I incorrectly assumed it was osteoporosis. Hand-foot-and-mouth illness was my second guess, but no lesions had been to be discovered. Strep is usually misdiagnosed as the previous, which may additionally appear to be meningitis, which may look like bronchitis—which resembles an autoimmune-related irritation of the mind referred to as encephalitis.
Nonetheless, nothing may account for the deceptively bruise-like discoloration close to my toe, nor a clicking sound produced by violently jerking my ankle forwards and backwards (a noise I alone may hear).
Frantically, I traversed the total gamut of human anatomy for a solution: from foot to calf, from colon to liver; then to the neck and mind and elbow (presumably tendonitis?); to the breast, to the lung, to an answer! Ultimately, I had cracked a thriller eluding even Yahoo! Solutions biggest minds.
Most cancers can unfold by all of those areas, and it occurs immediately. It’s possible you’ll seem completely wholesome and naively attribute minor aches to getting older, inactivity, or consuming gummy worms for breakfast; however then, someday– Bam! Crash! Sorry, pal! It’s foot most cancers.
I do know you don’t consider me. My mom doesn’t consider me. The medical doctors don’t consider me. Certain, I slammed my foot on a hearth hydrant final week whereas chasing the raccoon who stole my muffin. You’d suppose that may clarify my signs, however such meager drive couldn’t hurt the dorsal interossei muscle tissue, and that’s the place this debilitating illness operates its cystic command heart.
No, this illness can solely be defined by lung-breast-elbow-brain-neck-liver-colon-calf-foot most cancers.
They are saying it’s in my head, which is an attention-grabbing idea. Googling, “Is my head going to blow up?” revealed no solutions. Nevertheless, upon studying that having sickle cell illness correlates with a fivefold predisposition to foot most cancers, I remembered the SCD self-diagnosis I acquired after watching an episode of Scrubs. If solely I had blearily learn one other 200 Wikipedia pages, possibly we may have caught this sooner.
Hindsight really is 20/50 (based on my analysis).
I’m instructed respiratory workouts will distract from the problems I am satisfied I’ve. Nicely, Mrs. Large Shot Pulmonologist, riddle me this: How the hell am I imagined to breathe with foot-adjacent lung most cancers? And I’ve been up for 2 days straight. Do you suppose that’s associated?
I don’t need to sleep, anyway. I’m getting by advantageous. Nervousness is the right stimulant and has fully supplanted the primitive want for relaxation. I’m environment friendly. Developed. Watch as I conquer the steepest mountain of masculinity, slay an enormous within the clouds, and turn into one with the badger banging at my grey matter like a xylophone.
No, I’m not catastrophizing. Demise has arrived to gather a debt incurred by many years of dishonest at Yahtzee and committing leisure tax fraud. Twenty medical doctors couldn’t change my thoughts, and that’s 5 greater than I’ve seen this week.
I can’t say it clearer: I. Have. Foot. Most cancers. I’ve probed the deepest depths of WebMD and Reddit, the place the totality of human information has coalesced. There’s a lone etiology, bearing a easy title that effectively. I want it weren’t so, however there is no such thing as a different clarification.
Wait a second. Somebody simply despatched me an article: “Hypochondriasis is a psychiatric dysfunction outlined by extreme fear a few critical undiagnosed medical situation primarily based on regular bodily behaviors or minor illnesses. In excessive instances, an individual would possibly consider they will die.” Hmm. May this be what’s occurring?
No, that’s ridiculous.
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