To date, the faith bestowed upon me has carried out comparatively nicely. I acquired an Xbox for my bar mitzvah, so there’s lots of goodwill there. A god that gives you with the power to play each Halo and Halo 2? That could be a benevolent god.
Nevertheless, with the photo voltaic eclipse yesterday, I’ve realized that one factor I’m lacking out on is a sick, sun-based god determine to arrange statues of. The solar, most agree, is fairly rattling wild, and it deserves some form of insane lore behind it. For many issues, I’m comfortable to be a thoughts of science, however the middle of our photo voltaic system deserves extra of a backstory than “a bunch of gasoline from a very long time in the past.”
With that in thoughts, I’ve chosen a number of super-cool solar gods who will now obtain my worship…
Ra
Look, we’ve instantly acquired a really sturdy opening bid. A person with the pinnacle of a hawk? There’s little or no convincing essential past that on my finish. In my view, cool dudes with animal heads are one of many issues most sorely lacking from fashionable faith. Go a little bit deeper into the lore, and he solely will get cooler. Not solely is he coasting throughout the sky in his sun-barge by day, however each evening he is whooping the ass of an enormous serpent god who’s attempting to plunge the world into darkness? That’s a hell yeah (duat yeah?) throughout.
Kisosen
Sticking with badass chook solar illustration, we’ll subsequent take into account Kisosen, a Native American god generally known as “the one who brings the solar” and who’s represented by an eagle. In accordance with Abenaki mythology, he opens his wings to create day, and closes them to create evening. You’re telling me as a substitute of dwelling in a world full of worldwide warming, I might as a substitute be working inside the huge wingspan of a celestial eagle? I’ll commit heresy proper now, simply give me one thing to swear on.
Nanahuatzin
This isn’t, because the identify would recommend, the Aztec god of grandmothers. As a substitute, Nanahuatzin, that means “filled with sores,” which is admittedly a degree towards, was the god who sacrificed himself in a bonfire with the intention to create the fifth solar. In Aztec mythology, suns come and go, with every demanding a god sacrifice himself. So, subsequent time I’m on the seaside, I’m pouring out half a nutcracker for Nana’s sacrifice.
Helios
Helios will get loads of glow, no pun meant, what with the Greek gods being well-recorded due to their prominence in Western historical past. That doesn’t, nevertheless, take away from how sick his entire deal is. Ripping throughout the sky in a golden chariot, all to offer the inhabitants with valuable vitamin D? That’s price a little bit worship, in my eyes. To not point out he appears completely beautiful on the facet of a vase.
Xihe
Helios, cool as he could also be, was relegated to second place in my thoughts once I realized that my Western-focused, public college training had denied me information of the Chinese language photo voltaic goddess Xihe. She was mainly Helios with a greater chariot pulled by cooler animals. As legend goes, she was the mom of 10 suns (suck it, Helios), every of which might take turns pulling their god-mom across the earth on a chariot. She additionally has a near-apocalypse below her belt, induced when all 10 rambunctious son/suns determined to do a lap en masse. They needed to be shot down by the archer Hou Yi, which, not cool, man. However essential, I assume.
Gnowee
The Aboriginal folks, extra particularly the Wotjobaluk, have their very own photo voltaic determine: Gnowee. Gnowee, per legend, lived on the world earlier than there was a solar within the sky, in a time of everlasting darkness. All mild got here from torches, just like the one she took together with her to seek for meals for her hungry son. Sadly, she turned misplaced, and she continues to wander the earth together with her torch, the solar, held aloft, on the lookout for her valuable child boy. There’s no likelihood I’m not rooting for her.
The Solar from ‘The Teletubbies’
BBC
Is he a god? What I do know is that he controls the land of the Teletubbies, and nearly undoubtedly has the facility to kill me. Higher protected than sorry, so that you’re my god now, large child!
