If you’re studying this, I can solely think about that you simply’ve saved up sufficient silver penningar to take your loved ones to British Columbia’s mightiest attraction: the mythic land of Vancouver. I commend you for consulting me, Sigrid Ødgerkårktokestengaard, son of Gunnar and Hilda Ødgerkårktokestengaard. On this journey information, I’ve compiled collectively all the pieces you have to know earlier than you are taking your Icelandic household pillaging towards Canada’s crown jewel.*
*Word: “Crown Jewel” is only a phrase utilized by locals. In the event that they have been actual valuable stones, I might’ve looted them by now.
Transportation
Traversing the lands of Vancouver can show to be fairly troublesome. Many elements needs to be thought-about in selecting a mode of transportation like worth, comfort, consolation, and the legality of Nordic struggle horses.
Think about making the most of the town’s bicycling tradition. The bikes are low value and handy, regardless of their lack of ability to hold lengthy swords, shields, and the severed heads of your enemies.
If you’re in a rush, you’ll be able to at all times use trendy know-how like Über. Merely go as much as any Vancouverite and maintain your battle axe as much as their feeble neck. They’ll then use their sorcery to summon a metallic chariot.
The Annual Nordic Mutilation Pageant
Apparently, this was outlawed centuries in the past. If this can be a deal-breaker for you and your loved ones, I completely perceive.
Meals & Nightlife
For all you foodies on the market, it is best to know that only a few alehouses carry mead, not to mention recent horsemeat. You’ll need to convey your personal. Additionally, be aware that Vancouverites insist on cooking their meals.
And for these vacationers trying to cross the time with jolly leisure, this village isn’t the place for you. Vancouver is uninteresting. There are little to no archery competitions, and those that do exist refuse to make use of human targets. I’ve searched far and huge for an honest skald to sing battle hymns however have discovered Vancouver solely affords a jester named Michael Büble. His songs have been boring and mentioned nothing about The Battle of Assandun.*
*Word: bear in mind Vancouver doesn’t will let you de-limb performers.
Lodging
Airbnbs could be a bit difficult. Simply because an unknown household invitations you into their dwelling does NOT imply you’ll be able to seize their livestock and have your means with their spouse(s). Airbnb is a novel idea, however bear in mind it’s a momentary association; although you might have entry to their dishware and bedding, I nonetheless advise in opposition to etching any runes into the drywall of their lounge. If you happen to MUST pillage their homestead, wait till the top of your keep. The Vancouverites are sore losers in relation to plundering (they usually would possibly maintain your safety deposit).
Whale Watching
Vancouver’s Pacific coast is dwelling to a few of the world’s tastiest and most appetizing marine life. Like most of you, I assumed we have been paying to look at the whales be sacrificed to the God of Thunder, however because it turned out, slaughtering marine life is strictly prohibited. Whale watching is a passive train consisting of sitting and watching the succulent whales swim by, WITHOUT harming them. Talking from expertise, I’d recommend taking your loved ones out to the forest for a pleasant meal* earlier than, simply so nobody will get hungry and by accident catches, skins, and rips right into a Beluga whale in entrance of an unsuspecting household.
*Word: I left 20 kilos of salted beavertail outdoors the Pink Oak Forest.
Ultimate Notes
This information will function a worthy companion to anybody hoping to raid Vancouver, nonetheless, there are numerous questions left unanswered about this arcane land. As an example, what are trains? The place are the nice fur merchants? When is season 3 of Canada’s Obtained Expertise airing? If you end up in bother throughout your voyage, merely blow into an ox’s horn and one in all my clan’s landowning chieftains will come to your support. Simply make certain to not blow the battle name—that may sign our clan’s mightiest warriors to sail forth and butcher anybody of their path.
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