READING, PA—Pushing again the order’s beforehand estimated supply time of 8:30 this night, an Amazon replace reportedly knowledgeable 28-year-old Emily Frakes on Tuesday that her bundle would now be arriving when the sky shattered, the solar shone black, and rivers wept like males. “I solely purchased that humidifier as a result of it mentioned two-day supply—now I’ve acquired to attend till all language is forgotten and the one sound remaining is the howling of the void?” mentioned the upset Amazon Prime member, including that she would have chosen to make the half-hour drive to Goal had she identified that raining stars would unite the kingdoms of earth beneath a banner of colorless flame earlier than Amazon introduced the family equipment to her door. “I’m positively mentioning this in my evaluate. It’s bullshit for them to vow one supply time after which flip round and inform me it’s truly coming when the vengeful seas spit forth horrible leviathans and start upon their waves a fantastic tempest to clean away all that human arms have wrought.” At press time, Frakes advised reporters that she ought to be entitled to a full refund if her humidifier didn’t arrive by the point the scalding gentle of the ultimate daybreak lease oblivion’s womb to be born.
