ATLANTA—Passing the time by inventing random issues to penalize him for, bored officers at shopper credit score reporting company Equifax advised reporters Tuesday they have been seeing how far they might decrease Danville, VA resident Scott Arkin’s credit score rating earlier than he determined to kill himself. “It’s a sluggish day on the workplace, so we figured why not wreck this man’s credit standing to the purpose the place he feels demise is his solely escape?” Equifax CEO Mark Begor stated of the boredom that drove his bureau to drop Arkin’s rating, making it unattainable for the person to purchase a automotive that might permit him to commute to a higher-paying job and limiting his possibilities of getting permitted for an condominium in a metropolis with higher employment alternatives. “It’s already down so low he can’t take out a mortgage from anybody in addition to a payday lender or a pawn store, however in some way he’s nonetheless getting off the bed within the morning. Let’s knock him 30 factors for a single late fee and see what that does! Or higher but…let’s fuck with him by elevating his rating 200 factors after which instantly tanking it. If that doesn’t get a gun barrel in his mouth, I don’t know what’s going to.” At press time, Equifax officers had reportedly discovered a unique strategy to entertain themselves and have been busy slicing the credit score scores of members of the family making an attempt to take out a mortgage to pay for Arkin’s funeral.
