ITHACA, NY—In a brand new examine revealed Wednesday that gives contemporary perception into the connection between mind exercise and the basic restraining maneuver, scientists at Cornell College’s Division of Neurobiology and Habits discovered elevated cognitive operate is linked to being launched from a headlock. “Topics fared considerably higher throughout a large battery of cognitive measures as soon as they now not had the complete weight of a stronger particular person’s bicep choking off their air provide,” stated Cornell neuropsychologist Martha Sheinbaum, describing how members within the examine displayed far superior logic, planning, and significant pondering expertise the second they had been faraway from an adversary’s armpit and ceased being repeatedly requested “Who’s a bit of bitch boy?” till they broke down in tears. “It was astonishing to witness how rapidly they confirmed a better mastery of problem-solving duties as soon as their face was now not beet pink and so they had been capable of breathe freely. Apparently, we noticed these enhancements vanish if topics had been later sucker-punched and stuffed face-first into a bathroom bowl. In that case, their psychological capability was akin to what we are likely to see in standardized assessments of full fucking pussies.” The examine did be aware, nonetheless, {that a} headlock markedly improved a person’s reminiscence expertise when it got here to recalling who their fucking daddy was.
