WASHINGTON—Apologizing for the terrifying collection of occasions that left shocked, confused, and disgusted residents screaming, crying, and looking for cowl, Federal Emergency Administration Company administrator Daniel Gilroy introduced his resignation Tuesday after by accident enjoying porn on the nation’s Emergency Alert System. “This morning at 11:21 a.m. EDT, I opened up a pornographic video on my laptop computer, pressed play, and, as an alternative of sending the audio to my headphones, broadcast it by way of our nationwide public warning system to over 340 million Individuals,” mentioned Gilroy, including that he was deeply sorry for any concern or panic he’d brought on by enjoying the sounds of an almost two-minute video titled “Sexy MILF Sucks Stepson’s Large Cock” on all U.S. cable, broadcast tv, and AM and FM radio, in addition to by means of 1000’s of loudspeakers used as hurricane and twister sirens throughout the nation. “Though I attempted to close off the video by closing out of the tab, muting the audio, and ultimately shutting off my pc, my makes an attempt in some way solely made the pornographic video blaring throughout all 50 states play even louder. Whereas I can’t take again the deep moaning, excessive pitched screams, and shouts of ‘more durable, more durable’ that resounded throughout the nation this morning, I can assure it is going to by no means, ever occur once more.”
At press time, Gilroy issued one other apology after a twister ripped by means of a small city and killed over 200 individuals who, slightly than in search of shelter, had been as an alternative masturbating.
