There’s no extra unlikely 2024 superstar than Haliey Welch, the younger girl who inexplicably rose to fame by way of a viral TikTok during which she coined the phrase “hawk tuah,” an onomatopoetic description of an oral intercourse act. However she appears nearly as unimpressed along with her newfound fame as she is with Invoice Maher.
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“I’m positive try to be nervous, however you don’t seem to be you’re,” Maher mentioned as a backhanded means of welcoming Welch to his Membership Random podcast. (He misspells Haliey within the video model’s opening credit.) What’s the matter — isn’t Welch in awe of her interviewer?
“Eh,” she replied with a shrug.
“I don’t anticipate you to know me. A lot of the nation does, bitch…,” Maher “jokes” later within the podcast. “However no, I’m kidding.”
The comparatively unknown Welch is an ideal Membership Random visitor as a result of she permits Maher to do two of his favourite issues: Speak about intercourse and lecture younger individuals. “In case you pay shut consideration right now,” he assured her, “you’ll come out right here with numerous data of methods to deal with” your newfound fame.
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You may virtually hear Welch’s unstated “OK, Boomer.”
What condescending pearls of knowledge does Maher supply the social media star? First, don’t let your “origin story” — the hawk tuah second — outline you. Do a Kim Kardashian: Get well-known with a sexual video however transfer on to larger and higher issues.
His subsequent bit of recommendation: Do a podcast on Maher’s Membership Random Community, however solely “if you happen to do it my means.” And what would the podcast be about? “Intercourse professional,” mentioned Maher, fully invalidating his first suggestion.
As Welch put her hand to her face, Maher tried to clarify himself. “You got the Chip of Fame,” he informed her. “Now you wish to commerce that in for one thing that makes use of that however takes it to the following degree. It’s important to commerce on what you’re already recognized for. (Intercourse) is the one factor you’re recognized for.”
Particularly as a result of the 21-year-old Welch seems even youthful than her age, it’s extraordinarily creepy recommendation. “I don’t know the place that is going,” she replied. “I’m type of nervous.”
Welch must set the younger youngsters straight, Maher mentioned. Take porn, as an example. “Porn just isn’t benign,” lectured the previous Playboy Mansion common. “It has warped the minds of the children in your era, particularly the blokes.”
Welch can’t cease guffawing at Maher’s finger-wagging, which disqualified her for a job on the Membership Random Community earlier than she even utilized. “You may’t be giggly,” he chided. “You may’t simply be laughing at foolish stuff.”
Too unhealthy, she mentioned. “I positively would. I’m not a critical individual.”
Maher had lots extra lecture left in him, however Welch discovered the best means doable to deflate him. “How previous are you?” she requested Previous Man Podcast.
Sixty-eight, Maher confessed.
“How do you are feeling about an 80-year-old girl?” Welch requested him, rightly recognizing that the 12-year age hole between Maher and her granny is far smaller than the large 47-year chasm between Maher and herself.
Maher nearly choked on the suggestion. After an ungainly pause, he lit up some pot, lamenting, “If solely you knew the very first thing about me.”
“I’m not going to name you PawPaw,” she reassured him. “I’d name you Grandpappy.”
