1. I Have A Coworker I Don’t Need To Speak To
I don’t wish to speak to her. I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO HER! Don’t make me speak to Joyce, please. I don’t care about how her backyard is blooming this spring and I don’t care about her son’s aged foster cat named Mr. Rubbish. I am positive she’ll inform me to “keep in contact” once I go away the workplace, however attempt to attain me once I’m within the land of no cell service, woman.
2. There Are No Mass Shootings Out In Cowboy Land
Solely mass lootin’s.
3. I Do Not Get Paid Sufficient
I merely don’t receives a commission sufficient. All of my work expertise is within the discipline of schooling; there are not any jobs I’m certified for that can make me any more cash. My solely hope is to dwell off the land with my kidnapper cowboy. Certain, he’ll by no means be dwelling and I’ll have to lift our six youngsters on my own, however at the least I received’t have to fret about lease. I can dwell the well-known American jaded stay-at-home mother life, however with the additional increase of cow’s milk and horses paying off my mortgage.
4. A Cowboy Will At Least Have A Affordable Excuse For Not Figuring out How To Speak To Ladies Respectfully
The lads round me within the metropolis and its suburbs don’t have any excuse, however Dan McCowBoy solely talked to cows, horses, and his largely absent father rising up. Can you actually be mad at him when the extent of his childhood socialization is akin to that woman that was raised by wolves?
5. Milk is Costly
Milk is fucking costly. Let the cows deliver me each my free dairy and the flexibility to skip the lengthy Sunday checkout strains on the native Goal.
6. He In all probability Doesn’t Know What Covid Is
He was greater than doubtless unaware of it on the market within the pastures, main his lone wolf life-style. It’s lots simpler to forgive somebody for not masking in public when he hasn’t been in public for the final 25 years. Possibly he is not vaccinated, however to be truthful, he has the next danger of catching Mad Cow Illness or the avian flu than catching Covid. Once more, with none actual socialization, he is socially distanced by default.
7. There Are No Divorce Legal professionals Out In The Wild West, So He Can’t Bleed Me Dry Once I Begin To Get Grey Hair And Boob Wrinkles
He needs a divorce? Cool, however good luck making it official. You possibly can kick me out of the barn, however I ain’t providing you with a cent again. I’m taking the children and the throw pillows, too—have enjoyable looking for a courthouse and a human being with a regulation diploma to make me give them again.
8. Manually Washing Laundry Will Suck, However At Least The Machine Can’t Break
The machine? My arms and a clothesline. Till the arthritis will get me, child, nothing goes to interrupt me and price me $1600. Sears ain’t gonna hear a factor from me.
9. His Scorching Bod
Certain, he’ll in all probability deal with me like dust, however at the least he’ll be sizzling. I’d quite be informed to close my mouth and get within the kitchen by a muscled, suntanned, hardworking man quite than Matt who manages a Harris Teeters in a stained polo shirt, and might’t even seek out the bottom hen in his personal retailer, not to mention shoot one for dinner.
10. Taxes
Who’s gonna tax us on the market, the state? Woman, get misplaced. There’s no public schooling or hospitals to fund; that shit is run by one depressed mother in a basement and an off obligation bartender utilizing low-cost vodka and burlap sacks for open bone fractures.
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