“It’s not the person who has too little, however the man who craves extra, that’s poor.” —Seneca
From the time we’re younger, it appears we generally tend to match ourselves to others. At the same time as children, we examine our grades, our pace, our garments, our toys, even the dimensions of the home owned by our dad and mom.
As we get older, the comparisons would possibly shift however the behavior stays the identical. We begin evaluating careers, skills, houses, holidays, even the successes of our kids. In truth, in accordance with some research, 10 p.c of our ideas contain comparisons of some type.
It has been argued by some psychologists that comparability can have some constructive results on us. And I suppose that’s true to some extent.
However there’s additionally a harmful aspect. Fixed comparability of ourselves to others feeds right into a cycle of envy, discontent, and dissatisfaction.
In truth, the very root of envy is discovered once we take a look at what different individuals have. Every time we examine our cash, our possessions, or ourselves to others, we plant the seeds of envy in our hearts.
Comparability is the fertile floor inside which jealousy and envy can develop.
In truth, jealousy and envy couldn’t even exist if we weren’t taking a look at what different individuals have. If we spent 0% of our ideas trying on the issues of others, there could be no root for envy to develop upon.
If we simply cherished individuals for being individuals, fairly than evaluating our fortunes to theirs, jealousy would lack the oxygen to outlive.
With out comparability, jealousy can not exist. Envy and jealousy come from counting others’ blessings as an alternative of our personal.
Equally so, the alternative can be true. The extra we give attention to the nice in our personal lives, the much less room we depart for jealousy to develop.
And there’s all the time good in our lives. There may be all the time one thing to be pleased about. Some days these blessings could also be tougher to seek out and acknowledge, however they’re all the time there to be counted.
Gratitude shifts our focus from what we lack to what we’ve. It spurs thankfulness and contentment fairly than jealousy and envy. And this shift in perspective is each life-changing and life-giving.
Take into account the story of two mates attending a cocktail party. One buddy spends your entire night targeted on the host’s clearly new kitchen home equipment, the costly vehicles parked out on the road, the big-screen tv in the lounge, even the rigorously curated household pictures on the wall. He quietly compares these particulars to his own residence. The opposite buddy, nevertheless, focuses totally on the individuals on the occasion, the conversations, the laughter, and the rationale for the celebration. By the tip of the night, who will depart feeling grateful and who will depart feeling envious?
And what if the sample continues day and after day, 12 months after 12 months? Who will reside a contented life? And whose will improve in jealousy, envy, and bitterness?
You see, jealousy and envy solely exist once we give attention to what others have
After all, in a tradition that consistently bombards us with photos of others’ successes and possessions, it may be troublesome to keep up this attitude (particularly in a society that tends to elevate up the person over the entire).
Moreover, social media, ads, and even informal conversations can result in emotions of inadequacy and envy. However we all the time have the facility to alter our focus. By deliberately selecting to rely our personal blessings, we are able to self-discipline ourselves to domesticate a way of gratitude and contentment.
Right here’s a easy train to assist all of us shift our focus and scale back jealousy in our lives:
Earlier than closing out of this text, set a timer for simply two minutes. Then, shut your eyes and reply this query: “What are three issues in my life that I’m really grateful for?” Let your thoughts wander by the varied features of your life—religion, relationships, well being, experiences, even small joys and important milestones.
When the timer goes off, write down these three issues on a sheet of paper or as a observe in your cellphone. Then, hold that listing someplace near you all day at this time. Each time you consider one thing else you’re grateful for, add it to your listing. Make it your aim at this time to deliberately take into consideration all the nice issues in your life. If, at any level, you catch your self wishing you had one thing you don’t, return to your listing and pressure your self so as to add to it not less than yet another merchandise.
Then, on the finish of the day, shut your listing. And begin a model new one tomorrow.
