We’ve all seen the reviews through the years of the disasters at Jurassic Park and Jurassic World. I do know from expertise: once I was a child, my grandpa John Hammond introduced me and my sister to the unique Jurassic Park, the place we have been practically killed by dinosaurs—but additionally by my grandfather’s hubris.
Nicely, I’ve discovered from his errors. I like dinosaurs, and I imagine you deserve a dinosaur park the place you and your loved ones received’t be attacked by vicious predators. That’s why I based Prehistoric Park!
At Prehistoric Park, we’ve used the identical exceptional genetic science that Jurassic Park makes use of to make dinosaurs. However as an alternative of the harmful, unethical apply of cloning once-extinct dinosaurs, our displays are human clones who fake to be dinosaurs.
Our Stegosaurus, our Raptors, even our mighty T-Rex, are all innocent, illiterate folks, each raised from start and educated by our paleontologists to behave like dinosaurs. They’re dressed up as dinosaurs, and so they’re good at mimicking the actions of dinosaurs, however they’re simply folks—to allow them to’t stomp on you, or chase you down in your Jeep and flip it over.
The roars you hear from our dinosaurs? They’re not huge, scary roars! They’re folks roaring, so it’s not too loud or horrifying. Not all of them are even roars, a whole lot of occasions it’s simply somebody saying the phrase “roar!”
We nonetheless hold them locked up, that method you get that very same “dinosaur zoo” expertise. However you don’t need to be terrified of them breaking free and occurring a rampage. They’re not that robust—they’re simply folks!
So your loved ones can put all worries out of your thoughts, and benefit from the wondrous sight of a 20-year-old hunched over, strolling round like a raptor. Or the majesty of two guys who have been raised in captivity to stay in a triceratops costume. And our mighty T-Rex: a really tall man who eats uncooked cow—however with a T-Rex masks on!
That is Prehistoric Park!
Mayday! That is an emergency message from Prehistoric Park!
The cloned people have escaped! A storm knocked out energy to the electrical fences and now the human clones are attacking the visitors, like dinosaurs would! It’s all they know! It’s not as lethal as an actual dinosaur assault, however it’s nonetheless dangerous!
Assist us! Now we have no method of catching them as a result of we do not have weapons or nets—we by no means thought they’d be a menace! They’re simply folks, we figured, we are able to deal with folks. Earlier than they escaped, all we needed to do was push them round to get them to do what we wished.
However now they’re wreaking havoc—very mildly! They’re chasing the visitors, and the visitors are getting away, however nonetheless, it is within the rain and dust, so it’s not pleasant in any respect! As a result of they do chunk you, however solely once they catch as much as you, which they often do!
…Oh God, one simply received in right here—by some means it’s discovered to open doorways! Who taught you to make use of your arms like an individual?!
It’s been seven days of this horrible train in hubris, and the cloned individuals who act like dinosaurs—they’ve tailored. They’ve discovered. They’ve taken off their dinosaur costumes, and have placed on garments. They usually mix in now with the remainder of us. So there are occasions you suppose you are speaking with a daily particular person, who simply is not speaking again in any respect, then abruptly, bam! They attempt to chomp you! Then you definitely gotta run for ten minutes or so to get away from them! It is getting tiring. No fatalities to date.
As dangerous as it’s, the worst half are the lectures I get from the Dr. Alan Grant I cloned—sure, I cloned him, as a result of I like him, OK?—about how nature by no means supposed for people to exist alongside individuals who fake to be dinosaurs. It’s like, I cloned you to be my greatest buddy, not give me ethics classes!
We’ll get Prehistoric Park again on-line—the cloned individuals who act like dinosaurs, we’re gonna get them again behind these fences, and again into these costumes. This park is not going to be the failure that Jurassic Park is!
Day ten: Unhealthy information to report, in fact! The cloned individuals who act like dinosaurs received into our science labs and so they discovered to clone dinosaurs! With that Mr. DNA present enjoying on a loop it wasn’t onerous for them to determine. However now they will’t management the dinosaurs like they thought, so clearly the dinosaurs at the moment are out attacking folks.
So yep: It is the Jurassic Park situation! The entire thing we have been making an attempt to keep away from!
To make issues worse, all of our park visitors at first look suppose that something that appears like a dinosaur is only a cloned particular person in a dinosaur costume. So the visitors are getting eaten sooner than they might have at Jurassic Park!
The vanity of those cloned individuals who pretended to be dinosaurs, then pretended to be folks: they have been so preoccupied with whether or not they may, they did not cease to suppose if they need to!
How did this disaster occur? All I wished to do was educate folks about dinosaurs and entertain them. And use the compelled labor of cloned people to do it. Is that so unsuitable?
The park is not value saving. Please, ship a rescue mission—however do not be fooled: don’t save cloned people who find themselves appearing like folks when they’re presupposed to be appearing like dinosaurs. And don’t save any dinosaurs: they’re harmful. And take a look at to not save any dinosaurs in folks clothes and which can be appearing like folks—just a few of them are beginning to do that!
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