TOLEDO, OH—Saying the person’s hodgepodge of threats, insults, and expletives lacked a compelling central thread, sources confirmed Tuesday that 41-year-old Ed Thassler wasn’t actually articulating a cohesive motive as to why the man who lower him off in site visitors ought to go fuck himself. “I can perceive that he’s indignant about my driving again there, however his demand that I’m going fuck myself is sorely undercut by his lack of ability to weave all these curses and rhetorical questions on what the fuck I’m doing right into a broader level,” stated motorist Brian Henley, expressing disappointment that the person’s surface-level ravings by no means offered an intensive examination of the declare that Henley drives like a goddamn maniac or anticipated any counterarguments to the assertion that he’s an asshole who ought to burn in hell. “With some work, he might most likely have an fascinating argument, however proper now it’s coming throughout as this confused, scattered mess of concepts that by no means fairly coalesces into one thing that makes me assume, ‘Oh, that’s why I ought to go fuck myself.’ Maybe if he took a while to reread Aristotle’s Artwork Of Rhetoric, he might convey his proposal extra persuasively. However because it stands, his reasoning stays tenuously substantiated at finest, as does his conclusion that I ought to eat shit and die.” At press time, Henley was reportedly intrigued to see how the gun being pointed at him would determine into the person’s overarching thesis.
