CHICAGO—Expressing deep apprehension about how such a factor might ever come to cross, the U.S. populace confirmed Thursday that it was deeply cautious of a instantly usable web site. “So what’s the catch right here—they’re attempting to make it look good to allow them to steal my info?” stated Bronx resident Alison Myer, certainly one of 340 million Individuals who grew to become visibly distressed as they scrolled by the webpage that seemingly in a single day had change into easy to navigate, aesthetically pleasing, and unburdened by unhinged, shitty advertisements breaking apart each block of textual content to promote bowel-cleansing cures and weight-loss medicine. “Possibly if I click on on this hyperlink there’ll be some bizarre, super-loud sponsored video from 5 years in the past that instantly pops up? No. Or the web page will simply maintain reloading, time and again, for no fucking purpose? Nope. Huh. And if I open it on cell, my telephone doesn’t instantly get sizzling as a result of it’s draining the battery? That is actually bizarre. Hopefully the content material nonetheless treats me like a dipshit who solely issues as a vector to drive income. In any other case, that is simply plain creepy.” At press time, the nation had reportedly blocked the complicated web site and navigated again to Forbes.com, the place it felt secure.
