With some nation radio stations initially reluctant to play the pop star’s newest releases “Texas Maintain ’Em” and “16 Carriages,” The Onion requested nation music followers why they might by no means hearken to Beyoncé, and that is what they stated.
Aurora Reynolds, Software program Developer
“Her posse performed stoled my horses.”
Stella Foster, Information Analyst
“As a result of she’s by no means listened to me. This must be a two-way road, or it’s by no means going to work out.”
Robbie Norton, Electrician
“I assumed the ineffectual ‘Run The World (Ladies)’ was too reductive a mannequin of feminism to supply something of substance to up to date discourse.”
Brian Tischler, Welder
“I solely hearken to basic nation, like Lil Nas X’s ‘Previous City Street.’”
Mia Donovan, Environmental Scientist
“I’ll by no means recover from the betrayal of her pretending to be Foxxy Cleopatra within the third Austin Powers film, when in actuality she was a girl named Beyoncé Knowles.”
Kristina Stogner, Bartender
“She simply appears to be like like somebody who showers.”
Katrina James, Well being Inspector
“I broke my hip making an attempt to do the ‘Single Women’ dance.”
Lindsey Knighton, Forester
“What does Beyoncé even learn about making music?”
Xavier Bennett, Occasion Coordinator
“Sasha Fierce was too aggressive and too sassy. And as a lot as Beyoncé claims to have her beneath management, I do know Sasha is at all times in there, looking for a approach to get out and trigger nice mischief.”
Anton Love, Mechanic
“It’s nothing private. I simply don’t hear so good anymore.”
Donna Horton, Medical Assistant
“Workforce Kelly Rowland for all times.”
Jesse James, Previous West Outlaw
“Beyoncé gained’t be born for an additional 100 years, so far as I’m involved.”
Bonnie Austen, Bookkeeper
“You may’t simply get up in the future and resolve to make a rustic album. I imply, who does she suppose she is? Darius Rucker? Woman Gaga? Tina Turner? Kylie Minogue? Ringo Starr? Elvis Costello? Lionel Richie? Ween?”
Andrew Hutcherson, Farmer
“’Spherical these components, we solely hearken to kawaii metallic.”
Kevin Crowe, Dental Hygienist
“I had the concept to make nation music years in the past, and she or he stole it.”
Gary Sullivan, Bartender
“I wager she’s by no means even stepped foot in Texas.”
Jake Pennies, Electrician
“I’m too drunk to activate the radio or I’d.”
Preston Ryder, Artwork Therapist
“Don’t get me fallacious, I really like nation music, however Beyoncé’s new songs simply sound an excessive amount of like nation music.”
Mike Plath, Police Officer
“I resent that she holds extra energy than me on this world.”
Tori Arnold, Keep-At-Residence Mother
“Nation music was invented by an armadillo sporting a cowboy hat, honest and sq..”
Amy Polk, Nutritionist
“She’s by no means written one track about getting attractive for a truck.”
Greg Rubio, Private Coach
“My nation station stated they’re not going to play her till she alters her title to Denise Stumps.”
Lil Nas X, Musician
“She simply doesn’t perceive what nation is all about.”
Mary Patton, Workplace Clerk
“She stole Jay-Z from me.”
