TALLAHASSEE, FL—Claiming the transfer would empower girls to take management of their our bodies, the Florida Legislature handed a brand new legislation Friday that permits cesarean sections to be carried out by any machete-wielding lunatic. “Beginning in the present day, girls in Florida will not must undergo the standard pink tape and might select to have C-sections carried out by a crazed, screaming man wanting to plunge a 4-foot blade into their womb,” stated Florida state Sen. Gayle Harrell, including that sufferers could be afforded larger flexibility and will now have their child lower out in an alley, an deserted warehouse, or whereas chained up within the madman’s storage. “Some girls don’t need to give delivery in hospitals, and this provides them the prospect to have their stomach chopped open by any variety of maniacs who could or could not have just lately escaped an insane asylum. On the finish of the day, giving these masked, blood-spattered males free vary with an axe is usually sooner, cheaper, and fewer paperwork for these girls. It’s a win-win.” At press time, critics had pushed again in opposition to the legislation, complaining that lots of the machete-wielding lunatics didn’t know find out how to correctly eliminate a chopped-up physique.
