Relationship quotes from the funniest of us on Twitter. For the occasions when it is golden, and the occasions when it is glitter. In the event you’re single, need to mingle, examine these out earlier than you jingle.
Relationship Quotes & Tweets
Group 1
DATING TIP: by no means reveal what number of cats you will have
– snowjob @canadasandra
In all honesty, my new relationship service, “Effectively You are Not So Nice Your self” hasn’t actually taken off like I might hoped.
– Andy Richter @AndyRichter
I am in an open relationship. Actually open. He would not even know he is within the relationship.
– Emily @EmInPortland
In the event you suppose your folks actually know you, wait till you see who they attempt to set you up with.
– Erica @SCbchbum
Relationship Quotes & One-Liners
Group 2
“Son, once I was your age we needed to
stroll 50 miles uphill, within the snow with no footwear simply to search out out if sizzling,
native singles have been within the space.”
– Sam Grittner @SamGrittner
Relationship standing: bank card declined on eHarmony.
– Taylor @gingerfaced
Somebody’s ultimately going to slide, and I will be there. My relationship technique.
– The Mice @InsouciantMan
I’ve dated a whole lot of worst case situations.
– Jane @jane_bot
In the event you’re getting critical about somebody, try what quantity their toaster is ready at, as a result of that is what you are going to reside with.
– Simply Invoice @WilliamAder
The perfect a part of any relationship is when one of many folks says “This may increasingly get a bit of bizarre.”
– Jake Vig @Jake_Vig
Airline simply informed my GF she has an excessive amount of baggage & they’ve solely recognized her a few minutes.
– Woody @WoodyLuvsCoffee
This May Simply Save Your Social gathering…
Relationship Quotes & One-Liners
Group 3
Hate to confess what number of occasions I’ve damaged up with somebody they usually did not discover.
– Simply Invoice @WilliamAder
Honey, sweetie and child are the pet names for my TV remotes.
– Jane @jane_bot
DATE: for those who’re gonna be in your cellphone the entire time then I am leaving.
ME: (with out wanting up) okay then can I’ve the remainder of your nachos?
– Br&on the Cow @Brampersandon_
My girlfriend all the time nags me about our relationship needing extra “communication” and “intimacy” and “keys to the house locks I simply modified.”
– Brian @Black__Elvis
When somebody asks me if I am seeing anybody, I robotically assume they’re speaking a couple of psychiatrist.
– Shea @Glorificus917
Relationship Quotes & Tweets
Group 4
Generally I begin considering I’d need a relationship, however then I discover out my automotive repairs are minor and I snap out of it.
– Erica @SCbchbum
A enjoyable factor to do on a primary date is to behave all offended that she would not say the Pledge of Allegiance earlier than consuming.
– Man Endore-Kaiser
Someday I hope to satisfy that particular somebody who needs to show some extent to her disapproving mother and father.
– Ryan @Mr57percent
Relationships are principally guessing what the opposite particular person is considering, and being fallacious.
– moiste porque @MoistPork
Him: I am unable to consider you might be breaking apart with me.
Me: Who’re you once more?
– Michele McTierney @MicheleMMusic
Relationship Quotes & One-Liners
Group 5
A can of soda exploded throughout me with out warning and it jogged my memory of an ex boyfriend.
– Jane @jane_bot
This is to all the one women! Throw your palms within the air! [Thousands of cats hit the floor]
– Woody @WoodyLuvsCoffee
[first date]
Her: It feels bizarre going to dinner with somebody I’ve solely seen in pictures.
Me: Identical for me. I imply, except binoculars rely.
– John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets
I forgot the foundations about what to do on a third date so, lengthy story quick, I stole his pockets and his cat.
– Jedi Tacky Grits @JediGigi
SON: Dad, Meet my date.
DAD: Be part of us for dinner?
DATE: I am vegan.
DAD: Hello Vegan, I am dad
SON: Good one, dad!
*date leaves whereas dad & son hi-five*
– Terry F @daemonic3
Relationship Quotes & One-Liners
Group 6
When did you resolve to all the time be single? My second was once I realized I’d actually by no means wait to eat till somebody bought dwelling.
– Soph Benoit @1followernodad
It is not you, it is me and my desire for not relationship psychos.
– John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets
In the event you’re relationship a lady with a porcelain doll assortment, I hope you will have an exit technique.
– Simply Invoice @WilliamAder
The
loudest silence on the planet is the silence between a very previous white
man eating throughout from his tremendous younger Asian girlfriend.
– Damien Fahey @DamienFahey
It has been some time since I have been in a ‘share chapstick’ relationship.
– Jane @jane_bot
Relationship is gathering details about somebody till you understand you do not like them.
– AmberTozer @AmberTozer
[first date]
Me: That is a beautiful anklet you are sporting. The place did you get it?
Her: State Parole Workplace. Thanks for bringing over dinner.
– John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets
Humorous Relationship Tune:
“Widespread Facet Results Embody”
Award-Successful Comedy Tune about relationship and relationships.
(Opens in new window, at my leisure website. – Greg)
Take pleasure in!
Relationship Quotes & One-Liners
Group 7
Having dinner with the previous boyfriend tonight and I understand it is kinda like Hollywood deciding to make a sequel to Ishtar
– Mare Bytes @marebytes
I’ve
discovered it laborious to sleep since I broke up with my girlfriend. I am not
upset, however when she moved out I went from 47 pillows down to only 1.
– Bread John @Breadery
Girls, when a man carves your names in a tree. Do not go “awww.”
Go, “Why the fuck did you carry a knife with you on our date?!” Then run.
– Groves @XGroverX
Me: If Obi-Wan’s garments remained after Vader killed him, then why wasn’t ghost Obi-Wan bare?
My date: [to waiter] Examine, please.
– huntigula @huntigula
Dreamt my boyfriend was dishonest on me and he would not perceive why I am pissed off at him at present. Boys are so silly.
– I’m CanadianCyn @CanadianCyn
Finished with relationship websites. I am now specializing in pizza supply guys as a result of not less than I do know they’ve a job, a automotive, and pizza.
– Simply Linda 〰 @LindaInDisguise
[blind date]
HER: I like traditional rock.
ME: (making an attempt to impress) I have been to Stonehenge.
– Alien Skier @ClichedOut
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