MEDFORD, MA—In an effort to glean precious data about alternatives after graduating, Tufts College sophomore Connor Gilman reportedly emailed 32-year-old Peter Neilan on Monday to ask about his expertise being a complete loser who has achieved nothing in life. “Expensive Mr. Neilan, I retrieved your contact data from the alumni listing, the place you’re listed as one of many greatest fuckups to have ever graduated from Tufts—would you be free to speak within the coming weeks?” the 19-year-old reportedly wrote within the e mail, by which he described his curiosity in studying a couple of day within the lifetime of a whole and utter failure who hasn’t held down a gradual job in over a yr. “In fact, I perceive when you can’t discover time in your busy schedule. However presumably I may shadow you when you’re puttering round your studio condo on a weekday or taking part in PS4 on the sofa at 11 a.m.? I’d simply love to select your mind about your secret to being a burnout dipshit who sucks at all the pieces. Thanks prematurely!” At press time, sources confirmed Neiman had responded that he can be “completely satisfied to assist with a name,” however wanted to determine a strategy to pay his telephone invoice first.
