SAN DIEGO—Showing excited by a change of tempo across the lab, researchers on the College of California, San Diego, reportedly laughed and cheered Friday as certainly one of their completely preserved Neanderthal specimens regained consciousness and ran round shrieking after it was defrosted. “Releasing him from his cryochamber occasionally is essential to forestall lack of muscle mass, however the principle purpose we do it’s simply to look at him flail round and go completely nuts in a world he’s unfamiliar with,” mentioned Professor Garret White, head of the cryogenics lab, who ducked because the Neanderthal flung a beaker, a liquid nitrogen tank, and an electron microscope throughout the room. “If we’re having a tough week, we could let him out two and even thrice simply to see the look on his face when he wakes up within the twenty first century and has this prompt existential breakdown. Our anthropological knowledge suggests he was a feared pack chief round 40,000 years in the past, so it’s notably entertaining to see him get annoyed when the lab’s different Neanderthals, who’re nonetheless frozen, don’t obey his instructions to flay us alive.” White added that when it was time to refreeze the indignant Neanderthal, researchers merely handed him a pill laptop and let TikTok’s algorithm lull him into whole complacency.
