“You may’t cease the waves, however you’ll be able to be taught to surf.” ~Jon Kabat-Zinn
We regularly hear about storms as highly effective forces of nature, however for many people, essentially the most intense storms are the silent ones—these we battle internally. For me, this storm took the form of bullying. Whereas I appeared to deal with the every day microaggressions and malicious rumors, inside, I used to be crumbling.
The bullying didn’t cease in highschool; it adopted me into maturity. Each time I believed I had weathered the storm, one other wave of hurtful feedback would crash over me, leaving me feeling trapped and powerless.
The fixed gossip, whispers, and passive-aggressive remarks from others chipped away at my self-worth. I questioned my worth, questioning if I deserved the remedy. Was there one thing inherently mistaken with me? Why was I the goal of this relentless negativity? These ideas haunted me for years, resulting in a vicious cycle of self-doubt, nervousness, and concern of being judged.
At one level, the load of all these emotions turned an excessive amount of to bear, and I sought counseling. It was in remedy that I first discovered about mindfulness, a apply that will rework my life.
Mindfulness helped me confront the storm I had been carrying inside for years—the disgrace, harm, and lack of self-worth introduced on by years of bullying and mistreatment. Right here’s how this apply helped me heal and reclaim my self-worth, and the way you, too, can apply it to your life if you happen to’ve skilled bullying, mistreatment, or any type of emotional hurt.
How Bullying and Mistreatment Result in Low Self-Price
Bullying and mistreatment don’t simply harm within the second—they’ll have an enduring impact on how we see ourselves for years.
Whether or not it’s gossip, exclusion, or direct harassment, these experiences erode our self-worth. We start to query our worth, internalizing the merciless phrases and actions of others. Over time, we’d begin to consider that we deserve the mistreatment, or that there’s one thing mistaken with us.
This low self-worth can have an effect on each side of our lives, from {our relationships} to our careers. We’d draw back from alternatives, satisfied that we’re not ok. We’d wrestle to type significant connections, believing that we’re unlovable. The consequences of mistreatment run deep, however they don’t must outline us.
Mindfulness, self-compassion, and group assist can assist us rebuild our sense of self. By acknowledging our ache, letting go of what we are able to’t management, and surrounding ourselves with individuals who carry us up, we are able to reclaim our self-worth and start to see ourselves as deserving of affection, respect, and kindness.
Acknowledge Your Ache and Validate Your Feelings
For years, I hid behind a masks of indifference. I satisfied myself that the bullying didn’t have an effect on me. I didn’t wish to give my bullies the satisfaction of realizing they’d harm me. However in actuality, every merciless phrase, every whisper, left a mark on my self-worth. The extra I bottled up my feelings, the extra they festered, eroding my sense of self.
Step one in my therapeutic journey was acknowledging the ache and permitting myself to really feel it. By means of mindfulness, I discovered that working from my feelings solely gave them extra energy over me. As a substitute, I needed to sit with them—really feel the unhappiness, frustration, anger, and betrayal. I needed to give myself permission to grieve the elements of myself I had misplaced to bullying. Solely then might I start to heal.
Tip: Should you’re scuffling with feelings from previous mistreatment, take a second every day to ask your self, “What am I feeling proper now?” Don’t choose your self for feeling anger, unhappiness, or resentment—acknowledge these feelings and sit with them. By permitting your self to really feel, you’ll be able to start the method of therapeutic.
Use Aware Respiration to Regain Management
There have been numerous moments the place the load of gossip and harsh feedback felt suffocating. I usually felt powerless, misplaced in a spiral of detrimental ideas. Each time I walked right into a room, I felt like everybody was judging me, like they’d already shaped opinions about me based mostly on lies. I didn’t understand how to deal with the overwhelming emotions of disgrace and concern.
Aware respiration turned my anchor—a easy but profound approach that helped me middle myself in these overwhelming conditions. As a substitute of permitting my thoughts to spiral, I discovered to give attention to my breath. It was the one factor I might management, even after I couldn’t management the rumors or the individuals spreading them. In these moments, mindfulness gave me again a way of energy and management over my emotional state.
Tip: The subsequent time nervousness or concern begins to take maintain, focus in your breath. Inhale deeply, taking note of the air coming into and leaving your physique. This straightforward apply can convey you again to the current second, providing a way of calm and management whenever you want it most.
Construct Self-Compassion to Heal the Damage
For a very long time, I let the phrases of others dictate how I noticed myself. I internalized the bullying, believing that if that’s the case many individuals thought poorly of me, it have to be true. I criticized myself relentlessly, satisfied that I used to be not ok, sensible sufficient, or likable sufficient. The phrases of others had turn out to be the lens via which I seen myself.
Mindfulness taught me the significance of self-compassion. I noticed that I used to be treating myself far worse than I might deal with a good friend in want. By means of this apply, I discovered to be kinder to myself—to method myself with the identical care and empathy I might supply another person who was struggling. Slowly, I started to rebuild my self-worth, not based mostly on what others considered me however on how I selected to deal with myself.
Tip: Every day, write down three stuff you admire about your self. Whether or not it’s a power, a talent, and even simply the way you made it via a tricky second, these small affirmations can assist rebuild your confidence. Self-compassion is a robust protection in opposition to negativity, reminding you that you’re deserving of kindness—particularly from your self.
Observe Letting Go of What You Can’t Management
One of many hardest classes I needed to be taught was that I couldn’t management how others perceived me. I spent years making an attempt to defend myself in opposition to rumors, making an attempt to appropriate false assumptions individuals had about me. The extra I attempted to manage the narrative, the extra exhausted and annoyed I turned. I noticed that it doesn’t matter what I did, some individuals would at all times see me in a detrimental gentle—and that wasn’t my accountability to repair.
Mindfulness taught me that whereas I couldn’t management the rumors, I might management my response to them. I discovered to let go of the must be preferred or understood by everybody. As a substitute, I centered on how I noticed myself and the way I wished to point out up on this planet. Letting go of what I couldn’t management was liberating—it allowed me to give attention to what actually mattered: my very own peace of thoughts and self-worth.
Tip: Visualize the hurtful phrases—or, in my case, the hurtful individuals—as leaves gently floating down a stream. Observe them as they go by, acknowledge their presence, however resist the urge to carry onto them. This apply lets you create emotional area and frees you from being weighed down by issues past your management.
Discover Power in Neighborhood
Therapeutic doesn’t occur in isolation. Whereas mindfulness was important in my restoration, discovering assist from others performed a major position too. For years, I had remoted myself, afraid that opening up would make me weak to extra judgment. However via counseling and assist teams, I noticed that sharing my experiences with others who understood helped carry the load I had been carrying.
Opening as much as trusted mates, in search of skilled assist, and connecting with a group of people that understood what I used to be going via helped me regain my voice. It allowed me to shift the narrative that had been imposed on me, to reclaim my story, and to see myself not as a sufferer of bullying however as somebody who had the power to heal.
Tip: Don’t hesitate to hunt assist from others, whether or not via counseling, assist teams, or mindfulness communities. Discovering a bunch the place individuals perceive what you’re going via can present each private progress and emotional assist, reminding you that you simply’re not alone.
Mindfulness Is a Lifelong Observe
Therapeutic from mistreatment and reclaiming your self-worth just isn’t an in a single day course of—it takes time. For me, mindfulness turned the inspiration of my restoration, and it’s one thing I proceed to apply every day. By integrating mindfulness into my routine, I discovered to navigate emotional challenges with grace and resilience.
Tip: Begin small. Whether or not it’s taking a couple of moments of aware respiration or journaling your feelings, each step helps you regain management. Bear in mind, you’re stronger than the phrases that harm you. With mindfulness, self-compassion, and a supportive group, you’ll be able to reclaim your self-worth—one step at a time.
About Allicia Flemons
Allicia Flemons is a passionate faculty psychologist, advocate, and coach who embraces her neurodivergent id. She based Neuro-Empowerment to foster a vibrant group and empower others via group and particular person teaching. Join together with her on Instagram at neuro.empower, go to www.neuro-empowerment, or name (972) 944-5959 to be taught extra.
