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Sunday, December 22, 2024

Soliloquy from the Chair on the Backside of the Stack



Bye Damien! Congrats! Oh, OH, WOW, Charlie, you too, that’s nice! Bye! Wow, they’ve by no means wanted this many chairs earlier than. OH MY GOD, it’s simply me…. come on… come on…

Shit.

I assume I’ve simply realized to not get my hopes up anymore. I’ve accepted that the one that God desires to take a seat on me will put within the work and discover me. Nonetheless, it hurts somewhat to not be chosen.

It’s not that I’m not grateful to be right here, don’t get me flawed. I do know there are literally thousands of chairs on the market that may kill for an opportunity to have what I’ve acquired: a spot in a center faculty multipurpose room. Excessive occupancy. Excessive mobility. Excessive want for chairs. Or so that you’d suppose.

Each time one in all these entitled fucks decides to take a seat on the ground, or decides to take a seat on their good friend’s lap, or doesn’t even trouble to come back in any respect, and nonetheless each time it catches me off guard. Each time I feel somebody will need me, and each rejection cuts simply deep because the final. Take a look at me! Completely formed for ass! And but the ass doesn’t need me.

Life was fairly dangerous earlier than I acquired right here, although. Don’t get me flawed, I’m thrilled to lastly be out of artwork class. Each single grade, ages 13 right down to 4—the issues these youngsters did to my upholstery with these pigments… The screaming. The pottery unit. Final yr a child thought it’d be humorous to place me within the kiln. I’ve been kicked I don’t know what number of occasions. A woman bit me as soon as. And may we return to that for a second? Anyone put me within the kiln. I AM MADE OF CLOTH AND PLASTIC. One time I acquired peed on. I don’t even understand how that occurred. I don’t bear in mind. These days I used to be all the time attempting my finest to get my thoughts to a different place. I thank the universe day-after-day for liberating me from that nightmare.

However Christ, month after depressing month of being handed up does issues to a chair. It’s been so lengthy that there’s part of me that doesn’t even wish to be sat on anymore. There’s part of me that doesn’t even bear in mind what it’s wish to care. However someplace inside me—possibly it’s in my left leg, possibly it’s in my again. Perhaps it’s in my proper leg, or in my arms that don’t exist, or presumably it’s in both my rear left or proper legs—someplace there’s part of me that wishes ass all up in my face. And that half is rising resentful.

I’ve been considering evil ideas. I’ve been considering of reducing one in all Sonia’s legs off to make her wobble. I’ve been imagining again and again what it will be like to simply collapse inwards once they pile the opposite chairs again on prime of me, taking all of us out, ensuring nobody will ever sit in a chair within the multipurpose room once more. I’ve been considering of in some way studying telekinesis and placing Dennis within the kiln. Don’t ask me how, however I’ve been doing analysis.

Nonetheless, there exists inside me this (pardon the expression) deep-seated hope that sooner or later one further individual will come to elective music appreciation class, and that that one further individual will want a chair… and that that chair will probably be me.

Certain, I’m no Wassily B3 or Thonet 209… I’m not even a La-Z-Boy. I do know I’m simply an unusual, unspecial, stackable chair. My physique is truthfully fairly uncomfortable. However as unfair as this world is, as merciless and harsh and chilly, I do know two issues to be true: that each ass deserves a chair, and that I, Chairlotte, deserve ass.

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