SHELTON, CT—Saying it had severed all ties with the sandwich within the wake of disturbing new proof from a federal investigation, the quick meals franchise Subway confirmed Monday that its Rooster and Bacon Ranch Soften was additionally sexually interested in kids and dealing with jail time for its abuse of minors. “Sadly, it seems that certainly one of our hottest subs is a serial predator who has engaged in illicit sexual conduct with underage victims,” mentioned an organization spokesperson, stressing that Subway officers had been utterly unaware the mix of tender rooster strips, tasty bacon, and melted cheese had been focusing on kids for years once they started that includes it in commercials and different branding for the restaurant chain. “Clearly, it is vitally upsetting for us to as soon as extra have to handle such horrific crimes, this time by the hands of a menu merchandise each bit as acquainted to our clients as an individual who appeared in tons of of our TV commercials. And there was after all additionally the unlucky incident in 2009 when a sandwich maker’s discarded plastic glove touched a baby in an inappropriate method.” In response to regulation enforcement officers, the Subway Rooster and Bacon Ranch Soften has been in custody since an FBI raid of its toppings discovered a big assortment of kid pornography below a layer of lettuce and inexperienced peppers.
