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Saturday, October 5, 2024

The Onion’s Unique Interview With JoJo Siwa


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JoJo Siwa, a singer, dancer, and social media persona who rose to fame for her kid-focused music and partnership with Nickelodeon, has not too long ago tried to interrupt away from her family-friendly previous and debut a extra grownup persona now that she is 21. However there have been rising pains related together with her new “dangerous lady” picture, with combined reactions from her fan base. The Onion sat down with Siwa to debate what she desires out of this subsequent chapter of her profession.

The Onion: So, like, what’s your precise deal?
JoJo Siwa: My representatives had been promised that query wouldn’t be requested throughout this interview, so transfer on.
The Onion: What impressed your new picture?
Siwa: I needed a extra grownup look, so I simply thought, “What do grown-ups seem like?” after which hit the mark precisely.
The Onion: What are you planning to your subsequent album?
Siwa: Swear phrases.
The Onion: Now that you simply’ve modified your look, what did you do with all of your bows?
Siwa: I donated them to science.
The Onion: How else are you embracing your new bad-girl persona?
Siwa: Final week, I murdered a hitchhiker.
The Onion: You claimed to have invented homosexual pop. Is that true?
Siwa: No. What I meant to say is that I invented jazz.
The Onion: Is that your actual title?
Siwa: No, it was phonetically designed for the mouths of infants.
The Onion: Will you continue to make kid-friendly music?
Siwa: We have to see how profitable this seems to be.
The Onion: To what extent do you contemplate the Meiji Restoration a watershed second within the historical past of Japanese fiscal coverage?
Siwa: The restoration’s significance might be overstated. Many students level to the tip of the Tokugawa shogunate’s daimyo system because the genesis of the empire’s centralized taxation, however this overlooks the gradual decline of the feudal system and rise of contemporary industrialization that occurred within the century prior.
The Onion: Our niece is a big fan. Would you signal this poster for her?
Siwa: My signature is at present mental property of Paramount International, and as such, I can’t use it with out incurring authorized and monetary penalties.
The Onion: Who’re a few of your musical influences?
Siwa: I actually admire Taylor Swift for a way a lot cash she’s made.
The Onion: How do you reply to those that criticized you for saying you invented homosexual pop?
Siwa: I’m the inventor of all homosexual tradition, from the Stonewall riots to the traditional Greeks to Sodom and Gomorrah. I’m the queer originator. The everlasting supply of gayness. I used to be homosexual earlier than civilization emerged, and I shall be homosexual lengthy after it perishes.
The Onion: How would you describe your musical style?
Siwa: Worthwhile.
The Onion: What challenge are you most trying ahead to?
Siwa: Full growth of my prefrontal cortex.
The Onion: Is it true you will have a foolproof plan to finish the warfare in Gaza?
Siwa: Sure.
The Onion: What’s subsequent for you?
Siwa: A considerably predictable return to lighter make-up and brilliant colours after recovering from my “dangerous lady” section.

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