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Wednesday, September 4, 2024

The Onion’s Unique Interview With Simone Biles


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Athletes from world wide have begun arriving in Paris forward of the 2024 Summer season Olympics. The Onion met up with Simone Biles, probably the most embellished gymnast in historical past, to debate psychological well being, the stress to succeed, and her expertise on the 2020 Tokyo Video games.

The Onion: How outdated have been you once you began gymnastics?
Biles: I did my first somersault at 22, and after that, I simply fell in love with the game.
The Onion: What goes via your thoughts once you’re so excessive within the air?
Biles: Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, please don’t die, don’t die, don’t die, don’t die, don’t die.
The Onion: The place do you retain your gold medals?
Biles: I scatter them all around the seashore so I’ve one thing to seek out with my steel detector.
The Onion: In 2020, you left the workforce last after getting a case of the “twisties.” How did you course of the response from the general public?
Biles: Fortunately, America has a really heat and forgiving perspective towards Black ladies.
The Onion: How has remedy helped you sort out your fears?
Biles: I spotted my worry of the steadiness beam was a unconscious response to the time one bit me as a toddler.
The Onion: How do you know you have been able to return to the game?
Biles: I learn in an article that my psychological well being was higher.
The Onion: What recommendation do you’ve got for younger aspiring athletes?
Biles: My husband is on the Chicago Bears, and I’m at all times encouraging him to only keep it up.
The Onion: Are you nervous in regards to the chance {that a} case of the twisties will return once more in Paris?
Biles: Not till you instructed it, I wasn’t. Thanks loads, asshole. You simply price America the medal depend.

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