Welcome to Caruso’s household restaurant! We’re an genuine Italian restaurant, bringing the unimaginable tastes of Sicily proper to your neighborhood. Our menu affords a tantalizing array of unique and cultivating Italian delicacies, hand-crafted day by day in our humble kitchen. To us, probably the most treasured recollections in life aren’t remembered in your head. They’re remembered in your abdomen. Dine with us in the present day!
Our menu? Definitely. Go forward and click on on “Menu” within the higher left hand of the web page right here. Beneath that extremely zoomed-in image of a fork dangling some pasta, you’ll see the phrase “Menu.” You discover it? Now, click on on that. Voila! Fusilli al Pesto and Shrimp. Gnocchi with Truffle Burrata. Rigatoni with Lobster Bisque. Appears to be like fairly good, proper?
That is our catering menu. None of that’s supplied in individual at our restaurant. We at Caruso’s solely serve this menu for events of over 500.
So, are you able to go forward and reserve a desk for this Friday? Can we scent a date evening within the air?
Our menu? Menu… Oh, the “menu”! Sure, sorry, didn’t comply with what you meant at first. We will’t keep in mind the final time somebody really requested for that. Most individuals simply belief us as a result of we’re good, trustworthy, hard-working individuals, however certain, should you don’t need to imagine in a small family-owned restaurant, let’s get you to the menu!
Okay, click on on the “Residence” tab on the high of your web page. Do you see that haphazardly cropped image of purple wine being poured into a grimy wine glass? To the correct of that, in a font that’s the very same coloration because the background of our web site, are the phrases “Dinner Menu.” Go forward and click on on that.
This takes you to a PDF of a QR code from 2014. Do me a favor and scan that QR code. Like what you see? Sure, that may be a blurry, black-and-white image of the nice matriarch of our restaurant, Mama Caruso!
We at Caruso’s imagine our prospects should perceive the origin of all of the unimaginable meals they’re about to eat. On this image, Mama Caruso is cooking her legendary lasagna. It’s her secret recipe, developed over seven generations and perfected right into a sensational, creamy, and delectable dish. I believe you’d take pleasure in it. Dio mio, each single one that has ever tasted it has gotten every thing they’ve ever wished in life!
The lasagna will not be on our menu. Mama Caruso died on the working of the bulls. She was watching from the protection of the stands and the thrill was an excessive amount of for her and she or he choked on a corndog she was consuming. The lasagna recipe died along with her. So it’s not on our menu.
Can I’m going forward and put you down for a desk for 2 this Friday evening? We have now reside music on Fridays!
Right here you go once more about this menu factor. We at Caruso’s are getting a little bit bored with your fixed questions concerning the “menu” and “what meals we serve” at our “restaurant.” Most folk are offered on the environment and culturally wealthy backstory, however guess you’re solely coming to our restaurant for the meals? The meals right here is nice, we promise. Isn’t that adequate for you?
Alright, positive. Let’s simply go to the menu.
Open a brand new window in Web Explorer. You’ll be able to’t use Google Chrome or Safari or your laptop will shut down completely. Go to Bing. Sort “meals” into Bing. There’s going to be a weblog submit on web page 17 of the search outcomes titled, “Come see how I Eat, Shit and Pray” written by a person referred to as Sir Eats-A-Lot. It’s a ten,000-word weblog submit about how this man ate poutine in Québec and now has a “calling to embrace each second left for him in life.” Scroll via each phrase of the submit till you attain the feedback part. Remark “MENU” in all caps. Instantly, Sir Eats-A-Lot will reply with three totally different hyperlinks. Disregard the primary two hyperlinks, they’re simply slideshows of images of poutine he ate in Québec. Click on on the third hyperlink. This takes you to a gif of Mario flying via the sky as a raccoon. When he’s dressed like this, he’s referred to as Tanooki Mario.
We at Caruso’s fucking love this shit. Tanooki Mario is what it’s all about.
Scratch Tanooki Mario’s tail together with your mouse and this can deliver you to a darkish internet chess match arrange on a Bulgarian web server. Go to the chat field and problem a warrior by the identify of Ronan the Barbarian to a recreation of chess.
We at Caruso’s have by no means overwhelmed Ronan the Barbarian at on-line chess. We might be shocked should you did.
Nevertheless, if by some grace of God, you defeat Ronan the Barbarian at chess, your laptop will robotically reload and produce you again to the Tannucci’s restaurant dwelling web page. From there, click on on the tab that reads, “DO NOT ENTER” within the high right-hand nook of the web site. And ultimately, you’ve gotten arrived.
Fusilli al Pesto and Shrimp. Gnocchi with Truffle Burrata. Rigatoni with Lobster Bisque. It’s our catering menu once more.
We at Caruso’s have completely no thought the place we put our menu.
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