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Sunday, June 30, 2024

This Is the Most Metallic Phrase in Christianity


Im not well-versed within the roster or vocabulary of Christian saints. Shockingly sufficient, it wasnt a core a part of the curriculum for me at Hebrew college. Judaism as a faith is famously targeted on the top honcho, one thing that has made prayers a lot less complicated however drastically lowered my entry to chill necklace pendants. 

Subsequently, most of my data of Catholic lore (which Im fairly certain is just not what they name it) has come via studying secular Wikipedia entries on previous saints, and scrolling shortly to the way of their dying and never what number of toes they washed throughout their lifetime. A exceptional quantity of them appear to get their heads reduce off, and I suppose this is smart. Its an extremely environment friendly strategy to ship a message and finish a life in a single swift blow, with the additional advantage of hedging towards any likelihood of them being a vampire. 

Ive additionally discovered that visible representations of saints typically function the reason for dying, as a result of Christianity, for a faith preaching peace, loves the visible influence of a great arterial spray or impalement. 

To be clear, no complaints from me, as a result of theyre proper: Its fairly superior.

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Taken collectively, because of this there was an actual want to seek out a great way as an example a beheaded saint, and that raises a singular subject: Do you prioritize the physique, or the top? Ideally, youd prefer to get each in there. A headless physique is fairly cool, however makes identification close to inconceivable until anyone had a remarkably distinctive posture or a trademark goiter. A head by itself is straightforward to determine, however theres quite a lot of tapestry to fill and a head alone does have a little bit of a Catholic Clippy from Microsoft Phrase vibe. 

What they settled on is having the saint in query cradling or in any other case holding their very own head, which is extremely badass, and a pose Id use for each image ever taken of me if I did not want a constant stream of oxygenated blood to my mind.

This particular group of saints, and their beneficial cargo, additionally acquired an official classification, and the phrase chosen can be a part of each dialog I’ve from right here on out if I had my manner. The primary time I learn it in an outline of Saint Denis, who not solely hauled his personal head round, however reportedly whereas it was barking out a sermon, I all however let loose an extended, low whistle. 

That phrase? Cephalophore.

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My god. As a metalhead and a Dungeons & Dragons fan, that is the form of factor Id circle twice if I discovered it in a discography or the Monster Guide. Its a phrase that goes extremely exhausting. With out understanding the that means, my mind instantly cooks up some form of tentacle-laden head crunching down on a helmeted cranium. For my cash, understanding that you justd ultimately be referred to by one thing as cool because the phrase “cephalophore” is price nearly as a lot as sainthood itself. 

“Earlier than him stood a cephalophore, shadows pooling beneath its severed neck” seems like one thing out of the most effective chapter of a Lovecraft story, not an outline of a night church go to.

It comes from Greek, that means “head-carrier.” Its so sick that even when translated, its nonetheless very cool. Youre not let down when discovering out the that means, like studying that its really Latin for “pumpkin-in-hand” or one thing equally silly. Each the phrase and its translation, stated out loud, feels just like the smoke of an unique herb trickling out of your mouth. 

The crown of best phrase to talk or write is now squarely atop the severed head of cephalophore. All different contenders, I thanks to your time, however were stepping into a special route. Dont let the cellar door hit you the place the nice lord break up you. 

“That might be a great band title” is likely one of the most cliche, overused back-pocket zingers round. Regardless, I want 4 males in corpsepaint and a double bass drum with “CEPHALORE” screenprinted throughout the entrance instantly. I additionally want two T-shirts in a measurement XL.

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