PORTLAND, OR—Demonstrating a capability to uncover beforehand uncharted territories not seen for the reason that Portuguese explorer circumnavigated the globe, 32-year-old Nate Sulzer, a modern-day Ferdinand Magellan, reportedly found new eating choices Monday by zooming in a bit of on Google Maps. “Oh cool, it seems like there’s a fairly good Thai place a couple of blocks over,” stated the intrepid explorer, inserting a finger and thumb on his telephone display screen and transferring them aside barely to disclose a number of extra eating places and occasional outlets, which appeared earlier than him just like the islands of Tierra del Fuego materializing out of the South American mists. Sulzer then instructed his mates—in method that recalled the famed Sixteenth-century admiral reducing a brass telescope from his eyes to sketch out his vacation spot on a parchment map earlier than the shocked sailors of the Trinidad—that one restaurant was apparently BYOB. “You couldn’t see it earlier than, however I assume if you happen to jiggle the display screen round a bit of bit, generally extra stuff reveals up. There’s a burger place, too.” At press time, sources confirmed that the staff at a neighborhood buffalo wing restaurant have been warmly greeting Sulzer and his mates like natives welcoming Magellan’s crew, unbeknownst to the horrors that awaited them.
