Former President Donald Trump and present President Biden squared off for the primary presidential debate of 2024 on CNN. The Onion’s reality checkers diligently combed via 90 minutes of pure slop to categorize the candidate’s statements as true or false.
Trump: “They’re killing our residents at a charge we’ve by no means seen earlier than.”
FALSE: We do fairly properly ourselves, thanks very a lot.
Trump: “Biden is a really dangerous Palestinian.”
TRUE: Biden is much too outdated to be Palestinian.
Biden And Trump, In Tandem: “Someplace within the Plains, the lawless one is born tonight.”
FALSE: The Antichrist isn’t scheduled to be born till the second presidential debate Sept. 10, 2024.
Trump To Biden: “You must be ashamed of your self.”
FALSE: Psychological well being consultants agree that disgrace is a counterproductive emotion.
Biden: “If I’m elected, I’ll restore Roe v. Wade.”
TRUE: That’s why he diligently oversaw its repeal.
Trump: “We’ve got a system that’s rigged and disgusting.”
TRUE: You’re seeing it on full show.
Biden: “Putin is a struggle prison.”
UNCLEAR: The Onion’s fact-checking algorithm has been overrun by Russian propaganda.
Trump: “Joe may very well be a convicted felon as quickly as he will get out of workplace.”
FALSE: President Biden is not going to reside previous Dec. 2024.
