NORFOLK, VA—Reaching the choice after an in depth dialogue amongst the navy department’s management, the U.S. Navy introduced Friday its plan to section out all moist actions over the approaching 12 months. “Though wetness has lengthy outlined the Navy’s operations, we’ve concluded that getting moist is basically extra hassle than it’s price,” stated Chief of Naval Operations Admiral Lisa Franchetti, who famous that a significant factor within the determination to take away all 336,978 lively personnel from the water was the emotional and bodily toll of being completely drenched and chilly out in the sector with out a lot as a garments dryer round to heat up their uniforms. “There’s additionally seasickness, falling overboard, and—Jesus Christ—drowning. That’s most likely the worst a part of all of it. So, yeah, no extra boats, submarines, or scuba gear. Hell, even mopping the deck with a bucket of water is a bit a lot. Our sailors will solely be combating on good ol’ terra firma from right here on out, thanks very a lot.” Franchetti additionally clarified that the Navy can be nice if somebody discovered a option to put a ship on dry land, however didn’t fully grasp what the purpose of that may be.
