Valentines jokes that’ll ease your freeze in the event you obtained no squeeze. Humorous Valentines Day quotes that’ll show you how to seize the day of cupid with humor.
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Humorous Valentine Quotes
Group 1
I obtained a Valentine’s Day card from my lady. It stated, ‘Take my coronary heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!’ Which is rather like her. Preserving one of the best half for herself.
– Robert Orben
On this Valentine’s Day I’d similar to to say I wouldn’t commerce you for something. (In fact, no person’s made a suggestion…)
– Melanie White
Hallmark is popping out with a brand new card for guys who overlook Valentine’s Day. The cardboard is small and gold and maxes out at ten grand.
– Craig Kilborn
I wished to make it actually particular on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for 3 stable hours I watched no matter I wished on TV.
– Tracy Smith
Valentines Jokes
One Liners, Group 2
How acceptable for my love life that this yr Valentines Day falls on Ash Wednesday.
– John Lyons
It’s vital to inform everybody you assume Valentine’s Day is only a dumb, made up vacation. Versus the entire different holidays, discovered naturally occurring within the wild.
– MehGyver @AndrewNadeau0
Valentines Day Sweet. Ask your self: is it definitely worth the weight?
– Nameless
Significantly? A Valentine’s Day current? You continue to haven’t used the mop I obtained you for Christmas!
– Rick Aaron @RickAaron
I do not perceive why Cupid was chosen to characterize Valentines Day. Once I take into consideration romance, the very last thing on my thoughts is a brief, chubby toddler coming at me with a medieval weapon.
– Nameless
Stopping to select up some flowers for my spouse on the best way house from work. “Siri, Discover closest cemetery.”
– Rick Aaron @RickAaron
Valentines Jokes:
One Liners, Group 3
The Tremendous Bowl is man’s method of balancing out Valentine’s Day.
– Jason Love
Valentine’s Day is when plenty of married persons are reminded what poor intention Cupid has.
– Nameless
Valentines Day: the vacation that reminds you that if you do not have a particular somebody, you are alone.
– Lewis Black
Valentine’s Day thought: go bar hopping and faux a proposal in every place so folks purchase us drinks all night time and we get drunk without cost
– hayden hintz @haydenhintz
Immediately is Valentine’s Day – or, as males prefer to name it, Extortion Day.
– Jay Leno
I saved $200 on Valentine’s Day by being unlovable.
– John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets
Humorous Valentines Day
Sayings, Group 4
I’d kiss a frog even when there was no promise of a Prince Charming coming out of it. I like frogs.
– Cameron Diaz
Fellas, it doesn’t matter what you hear on the radio over one million occasions this week, roses dipped in gold will not be a great Valentine’s Day present.
– Man Endore-Kaiser
As soon as once more, my Valentine’s Eve caroling was not well-received by the neighbors.
– Simply Invoice @WilliamAder
Males: You WILL undergo the Valentine’s Day Industrial Advanced.
– Dave Barry @rayadverb
A Married Valentines Poem:
Roses are purple
And prepared for plucking
Once I get house
We’ll be doing one thing romantic cuz you deserve it honey.
– Aristotles @AristotlesNZ
I don’t assume my spouse realizes that the FREE SEX coupons I gave her final Valentine’s Day are about to run out.
– Chad Learn @squirrel74wkgn
Valentines Jokes:
One Liners, Group 5
This in all probability goes with out saying however:
Roses are purple
Puppies love hugs
I am gonna do you
Like Lohan does medication
could be a horrible Valentine card.
– prontopup @prontopup
Bear in mind, nothing says “I Love you” on Valentine’s Day like a Weasel in a Sack™ from Lyon’s Weasel Farms. [Not responsible for injuries.]
– John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets
If solely they did Valentines playing cards that stated ‘You are good for a yr’ with a countdown clock on the entrance.
– Daniel Sloss @Daniel_Sloss
My spouse would not wish to go to Hooters for Valentine’s Day, so it seems like it’s going to simply be me.
– Simply Invoice @WilliamAder
He beloved his girlfriend. She was just like the sq. root of minus one – mysterious, wanted by thousands and thousands…..and imaginary.
– 50 Nerds of Gray @50NerdsofGrey
My diabetic girlfriend would not even respect me saving her life by consuming all this Valentine’s chocolate I purchased her
– Terry F @daemonic3
Valentines Jokes:
One Liners, Group 6
For those who stand quietly and shut your
eyes within the greeting card aisle the day earlier than Valentine’s Day, you may
hear the sound of pure desperation.
– Charles Lake @mesealake
Her: Do you might have a date for Valentine’s Day?
Me: I do. It is February 14th.
– Simply Invoice @WilliamAder
Valentines Day Excuse #11:
“Sorry I forgot, Honey. I used to be utilizing the Mayan calendar.”
Valentine’s Day, bear in mind: the one really painless method out of a relationship is to be the primary to die.
– from a cartoon by BizarroComics.com
Valentines Day money-saving tip: break up on February thirteenth, get again collectively on the fifteenth.
– David Letterman
Right here’s to a VD free VD!
– Nameless
Humorous Relationship Music:
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Take pleasure in!
Extra Valentines enjoyable? Attempt these:
Greatest Valentines Day Jokes Poems
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