VATICAN CITY—In an effort to curb a rising variety of immoral offenses, the Corps of Gendarmerie of Vatican Metropolis introduced Friday the deployment of a brand new unit of extremely educated sin-sniffing canine. “This unit of elite Okay-9 officers has been taught to alert their handlers to sinful conduct by loudly barking and instantly partaking the impious topic in pursuit,” stated a prime official for the papal state’s police power, demonstrating in a stay simulation how every of the ten German shepherds may efficiently sniff out any hell-bound miscreant inside a mile radius. “They’re extremely attuned to the scent of any venial-grade blasphemy, heresy, or different disobedient motion clearly forbidden within the Bible by the Lord God on Excessive. Even for those who’ve dishonored your mom and father at house—hours earlier than stepping foot contained in the boundaries of Vatican Metropolis—these canine will nonetheless have the ability to sense it. One whiff of a golden calf and any idolaters within the neighborhood will probably be rounded up inside minutes. Keep in mind that these are animals, and so they can’t be liable for what they do once they hear somebody take the Lord’s identify in useless. The one strategy to keep away from reprimand is to stay based on the Phrase of God, go to confession often, and donate closely to your native parish.” At press time, the Corps of Gendarmerie of Vatican Metropolis outlined the funding wanted for a fleet of Queen Hornet Supersized FPV bomber drones for apprehending mortal sinners.
