I know that I don’t appear to be a lot now, however quickly I’ll turn into a runner.
Once I turn into a runner, I’ll get up earlier than the solar and spring away from bed with the vitality of a toddler on Christmas morning. Already clad in my sneakers and athletic gear, I’ll certain out the door for an off-the-cuff 20-mile run earlier than breakfast.
My operating type might be each swish and highly effective, and as I bounce down the road I’ll appear to be a cross between a gazelle and a Ferrari. My face gained’t get all purple and puffy, as a substitute, it is going to tackle a wholesome glow, a lot in order that I’ll now not must put on make-up ever once more. My vigorous jog will clear away any pimples I’ve, shrink my pores, and likewise make my eyelashes longer and fuller.
Passersby will flip in amazement as I pace down the sidewalk and hit each inexperienced gentle, by no means as soon as having to try this awkward run-in-place that some folks do whereas they wait to cross the road. What can I say, after I turn into a runner, I’ll have impeccable timing and likewise the form of constant good luck that makes you suppose I’m a witch, or on the very least, somebody who possesses an enchanted amulet.
I can’t want upbeat pop songs or audiobooks to encourage me on my runs. I’ll as a substitute use my operating time to resolve the world’s issues, pondering of sustainable options to finish world starvation or dreaming up bipartisan laws to handle the housing disaster. This type of mind-body exercise will maintain me till it’s time for my calm down, wherein I’ll chill out by rotating 3D objects in my thoughts.
Once I turn into a runner, I’ll now not have interaction in frivolous actions like studying the Cosmopolitan Snapchat story or going via the Fb footage of a woman who went to my highschool and desires to point out off the brand new rental she purchased in Virginia. I gained’t even click on on her profile, or pour over a tempting 68-page picture album from her grownup baptism. Actually, after I turn into a runner, I’ll now not have use for any social media or the infinite cesspool that’s the web. I’ll solely use my pc for trying out books from the library or as a big, very costly paperweight.
To maintain myself in pristine operating situation, I’ll deal with my physique like a temple. I’ll eat solely recent fruit and microgreens that I develop myself in my dwelling backyard, and I’ll compost any waste I create. I’ll turn into a whole closed-loop ecosystem, a self-sustaining being who doesn’t even acknowledge the idea of an Oreo, a lot much less crave it.
As a runner, I can’t concern dying. “Cowards die many occasions earlier than their dying, the valiant solely style of dying however as soon as.” That’s proper, as a runner I’ll casually reference William Shakespeare and I gained’t even make a giant deal about it. That’s as a result of runner me is tremendous good however not in a giant, in-your-face method.
Individuals will each respect my intelligence and suppose I’m a cool individual to have at events. Once I turn into a runner, the world will lastly know peace. The polar ice caps will refreeze and the inhabitants of the world will grasp every others’ fingers in peace and unity. Birds will sing, infants will giggle, and ethical arc of the universe will bend firmly and definitively towards justice.
All these items will occur after I turn into a runner, which I’ll undoubtedly, undoubtedly do proper after I end this episode of Love Island.
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