Presidential candidate Donald Trump just lately remarked that if he loses the 2024 election it should “be a massacre for the nation.” The Onion examines what he might need meant by the assertion.
It was about how Trump and his supporters will slaughter everybody with whom they disagree
Fairly easy, actually.
All of the stabbing
Stabbing and stabbing and stabbing with a pointy, blood-stained knife can typically get messy.
Race battle
Not less than he got here proper out and mentioned it.
He meant to say ‘bloodhound’
Awwwww! Take a look at that little droopy face! Take a look at it!
He was referring to familicide
No have to panic. Trump doesn’t plan on committing violence in opposition to anybody aside from his family members.
It was simply his previous catchphrase from ‘The Apprentice’
When Trump hosted the favored actuality tv program, he famously referenced the bloodshed of his enemies and known as immigrants animals.
Trump meant it as a Rorschach take a look at
What you interpreted once you heard him predict a massacre says extra about you than about Trump. He was merely holding up a mirror to your unconscious.
Forgot he ate beets
The rally caught him in a second of panic after utilizing the restroom.
It was concerning the auto business
Though the ‘massacre’ feedback sound alarming out of context, Trump was merely threatening to personally lock the doorways of the Ford plant with everybody inside and light-weight it on hearth.
Who is aware of?
Finally, it doesn’t actually matter what Trump mentioned—it solely issues how he made you are feeling.
Trump was warning concerning the ‘bald sales space’ utilizing an anagram
Trump was referring to the truth that if he isn’t elected in November, Democrats will arrange particular cubicles in Chili’s the place solely bald males can sit and discuss bald issues.
He’s hallucinating once more
Appears like he’s having one in every of his episodes. Higher tie him down so he doesn’t harm himself.
It was a mistranslation
Because of Trump’s propensity to ship speeches within the extra literary Outdated Church Slavonic, subpar translators typically take artistic liberties.
He meant to say there could be a massacre no matter whether or not he wins or loses
The specter of violence will not be conditional—it’s assured!
He’s hooked on violent video video games
Shedding the election means he’ll have much more time to play, which might trigger the strains between actuality and Grand Theft Auto to blur much more.
He was threatening suicide
With the intention to elicit sympathy, Trump was making an attempt to say that if he misplaced, he was going to slit his wrists within the tub for actual this time.
He was referring to the Swedish demise metallic supergroup
Trump is an enormous fan of Opeth, Katatonia, and Paradise Misplaced, so once you put their members collectively? That’s a match made in hell.
That he’ll placed on his additional sharp dentures if he loses
If Biden emerges victorious in 2024, Trump has threatened to put on his vampire dentures and chew Democrats’ necks.
That Biden would journey and fall
Trump’s allies mentioned he was extraordinarily nervous that Biden would journey, fall, and unintentionally break one thing if he wasn’t cautious.
All of the blood he would order his supporters to donate to the Crimson Cross
On day one in every of his second time period, Trump has vowed to order each single one in every of his supporters to converge on Crimson Cross headquarters and donate a number of liters of blood.
Gutting the comfort fish
He’s protecting a huge blue marlin alive in a tank to drown his sorrows with ought to the election not go his means.
That his kidney stones would act up once more
All of the stress of shedding would calcify small stones in his ureter and trigger him to pee blood.
He watched ‘The Shining’ once more proper earlier than mattress
That is precisely what occurred final time Melania let him watch it.
That he’s a maniacal, bloodthirsty dictator who would kill anybody who had opposed him
He retains making an attempt to make clear this, however the media retains spreading lies and calling it a gaffe.
He meant he was going to kill you, particularly
