Welcome to the Class of 2028!
From all of us right here within the English Division, congratulations for efficiently enrolling on this prestigious educational establishment. We’re assured that you’ll thrive right here.
Should you’re studying this, it means you’ve determined to pursue a serious monitor in English. I do know I converse for the entire college once I say—you’ve made a fantastic determination.
We’ve all heard the query: what use is an English diploma?
Properly, right here on this division, we delight ourselves on our dedication to educational integrity and mental curiosity. We consider that the examine of the written phrase is a major and priceless pursuit in and of itself, and that by immersing themselves within the literary canon, our college students achieve one thing that transcends vocational coaching: an understanding of, and appreciation for, the facility and great thing about language.
[Some things have changed since the creation of this template welcome e-mail. The Board of Trustees has complained that the English department is not “pulling its weight” when it comes to alumni donations and has threatened to dissolve the department if we don’t start “getting real” and “cutting out the hoity-toity bullshit” so that we can start “churning out some high net-worth graduates ASAP!!!”]
Allow us to re-consider that completely cheap query: what use is an English diploma?
Properly, you may ask. In any case, what worth does something maintain if it is not optimized for max market effectivity? It has develop into abundantly clear to us within the English division that considering of novels, poems, and quick tales as “works of literature” is just now not tenable beneath late-stage capitalism. Subsequently, we have now altered the construction of our program accordingly.
Alongside their elective courses, first 12 months English college students can be required to take one obligatory class: “An Introduction to Monetizable I.P.” On this rigorous basis course, college students will develop into acquainted with a number of consultant works of literary significance—or as we should now completely seek advice from them: “leverageable belongings with income-producing potential.” Under is an overview of the course construction.
Week One: “18th Century Verse: A Positive-Hearth Funding?”
The primary piece of monetizable I.P. that we’ll be protecting is “The Rape of the Lock” by Alexander Pope. College students can be requested to analyse Pope’s asset, after which to think about which streaming platform is greatest suited to the mock-heroic narrative voice. Had been he alive at this time, would the good Enlightenment-era satirist have any desire between Disney+, Hulu, or Peacock? How successfully does Pope’s poem go away issues open for a possible second season? These are the kinds of questions we hope to cowl on this wide-ranging seminar.
Week Two: “Monetizing I.P. in Pre-Babylonian Mesopotamia”
The dialogue can be centred round a number of key questions pertaining to The Epic of Gilgamesh and the creator’s full failure to commercialize their mental property. For example: how does the creator count on to face out in a market already saturated with epic/fantasy/quest narratives? Why ought to the creator contemplate including a powerful feminine character into their story alongside the beautiful one-dimensional Shamhat the Seductress? And why carving their asset into cuneiform tablets could also be one advertising gimmick too far.
Week Three: “The Marvell Cinematic Universe: Franchising To His Coy Mistress”
Like Dune, Andrew Marvell’s poem was lengthy thought-about unadaptable. On this seminar, college students can be requested to rethink this notion, and the way the Seventeenth-century English poet might need truly optimised his metaphysical poem for field workplace success.
Week 4: “Edith Wharton and the Age of Multi-Asset Portfolio Administration”
College students can be required to make use of ChatGPT to summarize the plot of Edith Wharton’s The Age of Innocence. They are going to then want to come back to class able to defend the proposition that Wharton’s traditional novel would have labored higher as a podcast.
Weeks 5 to Fourteen
College students can be despatched out on obligatory work placements to numerous funding banks and consultancy corporations.
We sit up for assembly you all in September!
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