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Sunday, July 14, 2024

Biden Remembers Talking To Lifeless European Leaders Typically As They Beckon Him Towards The Mild

Image for article titled Biden Recalls Speaking To Dead European Leaders Often As They Beckon Him Toward The Light

NEW YORK—Refuting claims that his references to current conversations with deceased politicians have been made by mistake, President Joe Biden confirmed Thursday that he speaks to useless European leaders on a regular basis as they beckon him towards the sunshine. “That was not a gaffe—I distinctly bear in mind Helmut Kohl telling me the opposite day that it was time to let go and step into the sunshine,” stated the 81-year-old commander in chief, including {that a} glowing apparition of Kohl seems to him on the finish of a tunnel on a regular basis, sometimes summoning him to the opposite aspect with a peaceable come-hither movement. “Regardless of what my critics would have you ever imagine, I preserve an lively relationship with Helmut and Francois [Mitterrand], and infrequently take counsel from them on crossing over to the spirit realm, in addition to different numerous issues of politics. Simply the opposite day, they have been whispering to me that each one of this struggling and toil will quickly be over as soon as I settle for the nice and cozy embrace of everlasting relaxation. Now, for those who’ll excuse me, I’ve to stroll up that gleaming staircase to greet my late mom, Queen Elizabeth, and St. Peter, all of whom are waving at me from that fluffy cloud.” At press time, President Biden had clarified that, to be honest, former German chancellor Angela Merkel has additionally tried to persuade him many occasions to surrender his corporeal type.

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