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Sunday, July 14, 2024

Independence Day Jokes & Humorous Quotes

Independence Day Jokes: cheaper than a cherry bomb, and extra bang to your buck. Fireworks to your Funnybone – Freedom from Seriousity – Huge Enjoyable on the 4th!

Independence Day Jokes
Group 1

Independence Day Jokes: Banner with Caption: "Happy 4th of July! Remember: If you drink a fifth on the Fourth, you may not go forth on the fifth."

I like Independence Day. It’s the one night time a 12 months once I can promise my husband fireworks.
– Melanie White

In England, the Declaration of Independence is named “outdated unsolicited mail.”
– Damon Hunzeker ‏@DamonHunzeker

Tomorrow is Independence Day within the USA, or as we name it in Canada, Thursday.
– Sala Who? ‏@salmarch79

So, on July 4th, one of many hottest days of the 12 months, we’re all going to sit down outdoors of our air-conditioned houses and prepare dinner over a fireplace?
– Simply Invoice ‏@WilliamAder

4th of July Jokes

Group 2

I at all times neglect it is America’s birthday since I’m not mates with it on fb.
– Leon from Mathclass ‏@LeonEarlgrey

I did not purchase fireworks. I am setting my neighbor’s automotive on fireplace as an alternative.
– Jeff Tamblyn

Completely satisfied 4th of July! I hope you are taking this time to rejoice one of the vital vital issues about being an American: 3-day weekends.
– Ellen DeGeneres ‏

I introduced a sparkler to a Roman candle combat.
– tim donakowski ‏@timdonakowski

Was informed at present I am not speculated to name them “unlawful fireworks.” They’re “undocumented” fireworks.
– Simply Invoice ‏@WilliamAder

A person died after lighting fireworks off the highest of his head. Medical consideration was delayed as a result of everybody was trying up.
– Brian Hope ‏@Brianhopecomedy

July 4th is to pyromaniacs what Thanksgiving is to overeaters.
– Melanie White

Independence Day Jokes

Group 3

Actually hoping to get my natural watermelon off layaway at Complete Meals earlier than the Fourth of July this 12 months,
– AmishPornStar ‏@AmishPornStar1

Made a cope with my girlfriend. I don’t blow cash on fireworks this 12 months and she or he doesn’t make tomato aspic.
– Greg Tamblyn

These fireworks are superior! Excessive 4!
– John Lyon‏ @JohnLyonTweets

 * (canine all day at present)
– Mattzilla™‏ @mattZillaaaa

It’s vital to recollect why we rejoice July 4th – as a result of they allow us to off work.
– Melanie White

Having fun with colourful fireworks tonight? Thank Aluminum Barium Calcium Chlorine Copper Iron Nitrogen Oxygen Sodium & Strontium.
– Neil deGrasse Tyson

Photo of rough looking guy with eye patch. Caption: "Guys with three fingers and an eye patch sell the best fireworks."

Independence Day Quotes
Group 4

Each July 4th I want I might declare my independence from my mom.
– Melanie White

Why is there a lot stress to spend Independence Day with different folks?
– Betsy Salkind

I at all times get confused—what time do the July 4th fireworks begin in Australia?
– Andry H’Tims ‏@Thing_Finder

Hey youngsters, cease lighting fireworks by that tank labeled “flammable.” Oh wait, it really says “inflammable.” Stick with it then.
– John Lyon ‏@JohnLyonTweets

While you’re married, the fireworks can final all 12 months lengthy.
– Melanie White

4th of July Jokes

Group 5

I am in line at a fireworks stand. Nothing says America like picket shacks, fireworks, and low cost baby labor.
– KangaRufio ‏@KangaRufio

I like that second in David McCullough’s e book when Jefferson says to Adams, “Let’s get a 6-pack and blow some shit up.”
– Jeff Tamblyn

Setting off fireworks on July sixth is a good way to let neighbors know you are no less than twenty thousand {dollars} in debt.
– Damien Fahey ‏@DamienFahey

My tongue is crimson, white and blue as a result of I used to be consuming a Papa Smurf popsicle.
– Ellen DeGeneres ‏

The Fourth of July is a enjoyable, flashy pageant of freedom that includes quick meals, flags, fireworks, fizzy drinks, and first-aid kits.
– Greg Tamblyn

July 4th might not be a picnic, but it surely’s at all times a blast.
– Melanie White

Independence Day Jokes
Group 6

It’s important to love a nation that celebrates its independence day each July 4, not with a present of energy and muscle, however with household picnics the place youngsters throw Frisbees, the potato salad will get iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You could assume you will have overeaten, however it’s patriotism.
– Erma Bombeck

The perfect factor about July 4th is you don’t have to purchase folks stuff that they don’t like and can by no means use.
– Melanie White

Have a good time the delivery of our nation, simply as Individuals have been doing ever since that historic first July Fourth when our Founding Fathers – George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, Bob Dole and Tony Bennett – landed on Plymouth Rock.
– Dave Barry

A conventional Fourth of July picnic means a menu of sizzling canine charred into cylinders of industrial-grade carbon, and hamburgers so undercooked that when folks attempt to eat them, they leap off the plate and frolic on the garden like otters.
– Dave Barry

Image of a cat face looking serious on a dark background. 
Caption: "Our cat doesn't like fireworks so we just let her hold sparklers."

Independence Day Jokes
Group 7

I simply saved a bunch of cash on fireworks by telling my spouse to settle down.
– Freudian Scripts™‏ @Freudianscript

There’s no room for my canine to go underneath the mattress to cover from fireworks as a result of I’m already underneath right here hiding from my kids.
– Kent Graham‏ @KentWGraham

Parenting tip: By no means let your youngsters play with fireworks! Until they’re sparklers. Blazing sizzling fireplace on the finish of a stick. Completely positive.
– Abe Yospe‏ @Cheeseboy22

I used to be going to purchase fireworks for the children however I made a decision to gentle a $100 invoice on fireplace as an alternative.
– Woman Lawya‏ @Parkerlawyer

Thank goodness our forefathers determined to declare independence Day on July 4th. In any other case, we wouldn’t have a vacation all summer time.
– Melanie White

Extra from Dave Barry on the 4th of July:

Return from “Independence Day Jokes” to “Anniversary Jokes”

Return to the House Web page: “Humorous Jokes, Humorous Quotes, Humorous Sayings”

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