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Monday, July 22, 2024

I’ve Written the Finest, or Fairly Presumably the Worst, Novel Ever



After months of drafting, I’ve lastly completed writing my novel! And, it’s the easiest factor I’ve ever written in my total life. Or, it’s the worst e book ever typed into existence.

Which one it’s, I can’t say for certain.

However, I managed to succeed in my 100,000-word rely objective, which is a jubilant victory in itself. Every phrase is positioned completely to compile an excellent masterpiece. My novel is a celebration of full literary genius, in contrast to something the world has ever seen.

Or, equally doable: I’ve strung collectively a nonsensical litany of 100,000 consecutive items of pure and utter horseshit. I’ve written a turd manifesto that no being in the whole universe would ever dare to learn.

Writing a novel is difficult. Although, what’s more durable is determining what the months of pouring out my coronary heart and soul onto the web page has finally led to: both an impressed triumph assured to cement its title on the New York Occasions bestseller listing. Or, it’s a clichéd flop that not even my mother and father would need on their bookshelf.

To determine if it’s any good, I suppose I might ask for suggestions. However, what if my novel is so compelling that it makes my writing group extraordinarily jealous and—fairly than futilely making an attempt to recreate such a masterpiece—they abandon their manuscripts and vow to by no means write a single sentence ever once more?

Or, what if my novel disgusts them a lot that they create a separate writing group the place they vote to shun me? What if then they ideate and execute a marketing campaign to make sure that I’m exiled from all different writing communities, stopping me from ever chatting with any author ever once more?

Hmm… Possibly I higher skip the suggestions step and go straight to an agent. Yeah, that’s it! My novel is nice sufficient, to the purpose the place revisions aren’t wanted at this level. Or ever. I struck gold on draft primary, so this novel is able to be printed instantly!

Though, earlier than I question it, I ought to most likely substitute each single character with a extra attention-grabbing character, swap out each battle for a extra heightened battle, and substitute each single phrase I’ve written with significantly better phrases. As soon as rewritten, I ought to toss my laptop computer from my second-story workplace window.

Whoa! Unexpectedly, I hear this encouraging inside voice telling me to let go of all insecurities and share my most treasured creation with the world. This voice says, “Take your novel on to a writer. Your novel is so sensible that it must be shared with the world proper now!” Due to this fact, if I have been to ship my novel to each main e book publication they’d make an exception to their rule forbidding unsolicited manuscript submissions and a bidding warfare over my novel would quickly ensue.

Or, what’s extra possible is that publishers will suppose my novel is so outrageously horrendous, they’ll halt operations to carry a company-wide assembly the place they’ll determine learn how to get the phrase out that my writing is laughably piss-poor.

It’s most likely for one of the best that I don’t share my novel with anybody ever. Not even myself. I ought to rent a hypnotist to place me in a trance so I neglect ever having generated this silly thought. Nonetheless, if it seems to be one of the best story ever penned, it will be a disgrace if this went to waste. I believe I’ll print out a number of copies only for good measure.

Okay, now that they’re printed, the one logical subsequent step is to stare at my shredder and debate over what to do with the copies. I might both make myself emotionally weak by sharing the pages, or I might toss them in my shredder.

Oh, by no means thoughts! I’ve bought it! I lastly know what to do.

I’ll keep away from my novel altogether by getting began on one thing new—an thought simply popped into my head! I’ve an thrilling, authentic premise that’s so good, it’s terrible.

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