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Sunday, July 21, 2024

SLIGHTLY USED COFFIN – The Bloggess


In the previous couple of years my mother and father have lastly found out texting, which is fantastic but additionally usually baffling as a result of it usually lacks the context you may get from a traditional dialog.

Instance:

(I apologize in case you are not accustomed to a “intestine pile” or why anybody would level a path digicam at one however in my father’s protection, we reside in Texas. ALSO, DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE BEARS IN TEXAS? That’s a bizarre apart however somebody simply noticed one not removed from the place I reside and I had no thought we had bears. Wtf.)

Anyway, the textual content I bought from my dad this weekend was no exception:

And sure, some may suppose an surprising {photograph} of an outdated coffin can be a risk however I assume I form of assumed that he was shopping for his coffin early at an property sale as a result of that looks like one thing he would do, however apparently he thought that I would need it, which is mortifying as a result of what a bizarre factor to consider your child and in addition as a result of it’s precisely the type of factor I’d purchase. He texted that I may not need it as a result of he was warned that it was haunted, however that on the upside it’s stable mahogany and was simply $350 was “solely slightly-used one time and solely through the daytime.” And whereas I admit that $350 is a reasonably good worth and “haunted” isn’t essentially a deal-breaker for me, I used to be a little bit unsettled by the “solely used as soon as within the daylight” as a result of…temperamental vampire? Zombies? Rehearsal resurrection?

And much more unsettling was his subsequent texts:

“I slot in it.”

So I informed Victor that my dad was fit-checking slightly-used coffins and he simply stared at me and I used to be like, “Insane, proper? However truly it’s a extremely good worth contemplating it’s mahoga-” after which Victor noped proper out of the room earlier than I even completed my sentence after which Hailey was like, “What’s improper with you?” so I assume being thrifty skips a technology.

PS. He despatched me one other one displaying me the within however why are there scratches on the within of the lid? I’ve extra questions.



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